Calling out the Piecers

[dday101798]

Thanks all.

Yes Karen, she is without question a "partier". I re-addressed the issue again Friday night. (x)W called truce by her and I cleaned up an area in tha basment for her and her firends to "hang out" at. IT was easier at 'our house' isnce the entire basement was essentially a private bar, by our own design.

Reconcilled and GH, I hear ya guys. This mornign, the issues and boundries were re-visited, HARD CORE. (x)W does not has not and never will like computers, e-mail, whatever. Makes her feel "insecure". Well, this morning I got an automotac job liksting finding in my e-mail which in turn sent me a text message.

This sent (x)W on a tirade, wanting to know who is calling me so early in the morning and all that jazz. I explain, guess it was my job search engine and even showed her. She didn't care, I WAS IN THE WRONG. So, I got defensive due to her attitude, got out of bed, drank a lot of coffee and pined things through my head. When (x)W awoke, we went a full round on the matter. I have NOTHING to hide. I have NOTHING to validate to her. SHE in turn? Getss message from OM. Messages and calls from OM's sister. OUR SON randomly texts OM! She is back to 'sneaking off in the middle of the night. AND YET I HAVE TO LIVE ON EGGSHELLS BECAUSE SHE FEELS INSECURE?

Oh, hell no.

I retook charge of the situation. And didn't someone here just say blame shifting? Oh, yeah, she went right into that tactic, AGAIN. She went down memory lane some what 5 years ago to when an old, MARRIED with CHILDREN best friend from high school contacted me years ago and I invited her over to our house many of times to meet (x)W and get aquanted, but never did and this to (x)W meant something had to be going on. Which was complete bullarchey. Suffice it to say, (x)W's insecurity meant I could no longer associate with this person, as usual. Anyway, I gunned this crap right the hell down immediately. This is not about the past, let alone a past that her own presumption creaetd havoc when she then like now is so dead wrong.

No, this about now. This is about the constant daily reminders I get of what she HAS IN FACT done. This is about her hiding messages and calls, weither she answers them or not from a person she left me for. This is about her bringing a person into our children's lives. One (s11) who trembles, like this morning, everytime she goes off on one of her tirades on me, and yells at her to stop yelling at me (probably fearing I will just up and leave). Another (s13) who now gets into physical altercations with me, cares nothing for what anyone tells hin and is acting out in part because of a person sh ebrought into his life that had no business being there.

And she wants to hash ficticious issues she created in her own mind years ago, versus facing the CURRENT issues of TODAY to take the focus off this?

Ohhhhhhh, no no no.

I ended with her finally apologizing. I told her point blank , I have nothing to hide. IF I wanted someone else, I had and still do have every opportunity to persue another life if I so see fit. She is the one who destroyed a family, she is the one whose own selfishness acted out on the exact accusations she made up in her own mind I was guilty of. She is the one who ahs this person who has no business in our lives being a constant problem. And finally, she is the one who is starting to act and do the exact things that led up to to the demise of our marriage. Thus, I am the one who has the right to feel insecure, certainly not her.

It was a reminder to her, and mainly me, I am in the driver's seat here. I am the prize. I am the one who should be reassured day in and day out. And I am the one who has every right to be nerved, scared, and upset. It is her position to show me otherwise.

On a lighter note, intimacy issue handled, we a GREAT dat Saturday.