Post any questions you might have to me here....

[Treese]

Hi HB..I really have to thank you for taking sooooo much time answering everyone's questions and helping them through such a difficult time. It really does help...

I checked into H getting money out of his 401K...it's says in hardship cases which I have to say we are in at this time...so I told him that and he said he couldn't get it because it would cause serious tax implications...I don't care...all I care about is getting through this tough time...it's his pay that's gotten chopped and he is paying 600 a month to a kid I've never even met...nor have my kids...this is the child he had while having an affair on me 10 years ago and I had nooooo idea ....well, I think maybe I did but buried it and didn't want to believe it..we all can bury stuff and unfortunately when it comes out it blows..

As far as the money...he doesn't have any....well, as far as I know...his paycheck gets direct deposited in my account...it's the same it's been for the past 3 years...but he does get a monthly bonus that used to be 2000 and last month was 86.00....my income has gone down at least 1500 a month on top of the new child support....the "love child's" mother took him to court a little over a year ago to prove paternity and get support....he hadn't paid any support for the first 10 years of the childs life...she is now engaged and figured he was in a divorce so she wanted her share also...I still feel she trapped him...but it takes 2...
so, this is what I'm dealing with...my attorney is 3000...I have NO money....I'm barely surviving...i've cut out lots of extras, even thinking about selling my wedding rings...he, however is surviving by living w OW and staying free at her house...
According to him she is very laid back...loves him for who he is..they get along great, have everything he's always wanted...the love, the communication, etc..and well, he thinks she beautiful...Blah....the picture i saw not long ago was not pretty and when I showed it to someone I knew they said,,":he left you for her?"...well, I guess she is just everything he always wanted...They just "LUV" each other....but I can't believe they never fight....everyone does...at least once...and he is living 3 lives...he has his own...my children, and his love child...

Sorry, I could go on and on....this past weekend really got to me...I was actually angry....I have a membership to a gym that I was going to cancel because of money and my D17 texted her dad about his membership and he told her maybe I could just transfer mine to her....the whole idea of canceling it was to save money and he told her that she could have mine..he wants to look good to his daughter...she doesn't know the financial sitch...grrrr......if I say no she'll think I'm the bad guy..
I have a daughter who is getting married and I can't even help her out...it's very sad...he looks so cool and collected in front of his kids,when they see him, which isnt very often,....

I truly believe he is waiting to file til after my D17 turns 18 in June...that way he only has to pay for our 12 yr old..he will be fine with money...I will not...I will struggle and he knows it but he's just worried about himself..he's always said he would take care of me, he wanted to take care of me..
Im sure since OW went through her divorce (to be with H) she's giving him all kinds of advice..and he thinks it's all the same..she has a big house in a beautiful area...it's what WE dreamed of having and talked about...now he's living it. I don't think he'll ever crash..he's very in control of what he's doing..
Ohio is a no fault state...he can file and pretty much I'll get child support for my son...and a little alimony...i'll probably have to get a 2nd job...it will just be my son and I next year...D17 will be off to college and D23 will be married...

I think he's accepted his new life and is ready to be done with me...I'm working towards being okay with that...yes, I was a fixer and it was 31 years of my life..it's hard to let that go...

One time he looked at me and said, "Do you think I'm kidding about all this"..I'm not...I'm not attracted to you and I can't help the way I feel...and he looked me dead in the eyes and said it"...that was crushing...it crushed my spirit and no one should ever have their spirit crushed...

I am blessed, however, with 3 wonderful children...they have been troopers through all this and they love their mamma...that I am sure...

Sorry for babbling.....thanks for listening...sometimes it helps to just write it all out....