It's almost like I know I could fight this if I knew what to fight for. There is still part of me that does not want to give up, and yet what else am I supposed to do? I don't want to, and yet I feel like I have been fighting a lost battle.
I think the fact that there have been two Fridays gone past w/o the end result being the divorce has me very confused as well. When XH and I got divorced, I filed. We had really tried, but in the end, we both agreed it was just better not to be together. And the kids were actually happier, which I know is rare. But I digress...Once the day came that the divorce was to be finalized, I was there early. I made sure I knew what court, where I was supposed to be, the whole nine yards.
I realize that he is probably not waffling, but that this is not much of a priority to him. I have sent him emails telling him that I really just want this over now. I dont want to stay married to someone who obviouisly does not love me. And it seems like he cares so little that he just blows it off. I asked him to let me go. I realize in his mind he already has, but in mine, I am still married. It is very difficult to move on when you are still married, whether it be on paper or in the mind.
I feel like I need to have some kind of closure. Maybe not all the way, but this is a start.
I hate acceptance. It hurts.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
