For some reason I can't cut and paste or quote on this forum.
Consequences have nothing to do with punishing somebody. Consequences are a result of actions and choices. If a spouse chooses not to be in the marriage that is fine. However the consequences of that choice should be some change in how things are handled.
As I have posted before, I have a chronic and incurable disease. My H has provided health insurance for the past decade. My H chose to have an affair and leave. My H also got VERY angry when three years ago (long before any of this happened) I had the opportunity to buy into a self employment insurance plan. In his mind he was the health insurance provider and that was that. He gave me no choice when he opted to leave the marriage.
His consequence of (A) becoming angry when long ago I had the opportunity to buy into a self employed insurance plan and insisting I stay on his plan (B) having an affair and leaving the marriage was to have to pay my health insurance for many years in the future. That consequence was a result of his actions and was not about me punishing him.
The lines get very hazy when one spouse has an illness. I understand that more than you could possibly know.
None of this is about punishment. And not everything is as cut and dry we would like it to be.
As for you, Kevin. You sound like you have many good things going on right now and your future is far more stable than it was just a month ago. I can't say I understand or even agree with your stance on the church aspect. I am glad you feel that standing keeps you stagnant under the circumstances.
NONE OF THIS IS EASY! For anybody! I must admit I find it very upsetting when I am misquoted. I have never, ever said I support any sort of "divorce counseling". I don't even know the principles of "divorce counseling" or what that means.
I don't have children but I was a child of divorce (and I was much older than your girls when my parents divorced) and it was confusing to me as a late teen/early 20 something when my parents acted one way despite what my sister and I knew. So while I can't speak from a parental standpoint I can speak from a child's standpoint.
