Hi all, Just journaling a bit more after my last post.. I guess the email in itself was not so bad or wrong, and H even apologized for how he reacted. I guess I hit a sensitive spot for him and I realize his $ situation is a bit tougher than I thought.
I guess what I'm most upset about is how I handled myself yesterday. Wish I could have rolled w the punches a bit more as I did over our lunch last month. I know going tit-tat goes nowhere, and is not a cycle I want to engage in, it's cheeseless tunnels. I felt a little attacked too, with him telling me that it was my fault that he payed so much of his tuition upfront versus taking it all in loans, since he doesn't have as much now. I encouraged this - and made partial payment myself - b/c I thought of us as a married couple and we were in this together. Perhaps I should have let it roll.. I wasn't acting in a DB way, really. Wish I had just agreed to the flexible timeline (which i ended up doing anyway) with all the un-necessary fighting in the beginning. Not good that I did that.
I hate it when he tells me I drove him away...what matters most is that I worked on many things to better myself across this past yr, and he did not want to give us another shot. He keeps saying those things to justify his actions. As I know, as others on here about their spouses, that he did have some very valid concerns about my role in the breakdown of our M. But I've addressed those. Isn't that worth something?
Ugh...I know I prob seem like I'm backsliding a bit. It's a roller coaster. When I don't react to him I see things he does as his own issues, versus my part in them. Need to be stronger about this now.
