Sounds like a tough day. Glad things worked out in the end re: $ matter.
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
UhhHHhhhHHhhhhHHHHHhhhhh (along with the sound of my 'but I'm a good nice person.. that's what I do' gears shirring)
Oh, do I hear this!
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
Take. Care. Of. My. Needs. before fiddle faddling about anyone else's.
And this! (Wanna borrow my copy of No More Mr. Nice Guy when I'm finished...?)
So are you going to ski again? Or go after another passion, like writing? You should approach any and every local and regional periodical and just tell 'em, "Give me a subject, a topic and I'll give you 500 words on it that you will want to publish!"
Enmeshment. Exactly.
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
I guess I am emerging
More and more every day.
(((Gypsy)))
(Aside:)kat, thank you for this pearl.
Originally Posted By: kat727
We can't make them be who we thought they were any more than they can do that for us.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
You should ski. Dog skis on old boards and shows up the pups in bad conditions. He was told his technique looks 1980s. I'm not sure what that means.
Dropped another activity that was becoming a thankless time suck for others. Sorry Dog's gone outside to play.
Don't ask permission. Just do.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Thanks! And Kerry.. I'd forgotten about that image. It's funny.. my perception (right or wrong) of him doesn't matter. Only my response.
My house has gone from overwhelming clutter to serene order.
My attitude has gone from constantly defensive to drafting my declaration of independence.
My abilities have transformed from helplessness with something not working to hunkering down taking steps to fix it.
The open house this weekend went well, ten serious groups going through shopping to buy. My realtor/friend of very high standards gushed about how beautiful my house is to show.
When asked about the former spouse I spoke of his actions in derogatory terms. She, ever the grounded realist, surmised that he probably regretted his choices and was in a vary bad situation, causing him to turn to trying to control me. To not respond to his attacks or insults because he was looking for a reason to fight.
I truly feel I AM writing my declaration of independence, eschewing the need to find self worth in others.
I thought of a friend whose husband left her with two small children. To how she scampered to make a life. And that she is one of the most dynamic 'senior' citizens, full of energy, action and optimism with her long term second marriage. She and her retired spouse do so MUCH. I wanna be like her, find and unleash my mojo.. take risks.
My journey is like hike in the woods occasionally going through dense branches, sometimes getting whacked by their release (temporary) but savoring the journey (big picture).
And it's odd how the right message comes through at uncanny times. While reviewing the modification loan, the representative spoke of how each day is a new canvas, my choice in how to paint it. Each day a new opportunity.
It's weird. It's easy to write on a board, share and in the process find images that spontaneously come to me. When I try to write in a structured manner then I fall over my feet.. fingers? Writing to and for others, folks that become friends, a willing audience is easy. Writing to something unknown is baffling.
Lack of confidence. Lack of knowledge. Fear of 'exposing' what would embarrass my family. Not knowing what, where to write.
It's like I want someone to hold my hand and show me the way.
I was in a writing group a few years ago which disbanded when the drama in the group became more than most plot lines in a soap opera. I'm going to start going to a new one which meets every other week with folks who write (books) and get published.
I don't know if 'stream of consciousness' is viable.
Oh yes, and when I write, I'm just talking. It never occurs to me that it may touch a cord, evoke emotional responses in others. It's like my mind is moving mental furniture, making at times lyrical arrangements. In the moment without thought of anything more than expression.
And questions, statements, situations that bring a thought elicit responses. My writing comes in response. I guess I just don't know how to start the dialog.
Collect what you write here and elsewhere and keep it in a journal. (Even though I have a separate journal, I need to start doing the same with everything else I write, BTW.)
Read Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones and you'll see that nothing written is wasted effort -- it all counts to making you a better writer.
It's like my mind is moving mental furniture, making at times lyrical arrangements.
There. Right there. Beautiful.
Originally Posted By: gypsy
And questions, statements, situations that bring a thought elicit responses. My writing comes in response. I guess I just don't know how to start the dialog.
Picture in your mind the person for whom you have the most oh-yeah-well-I'll-show-you energy, sayingsneering, "Gypsy? She can't write!"
Respond to that!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Uhh.. that only worked for me once twenty something years ago. I'd decided to leave my job (which had its own drama) to tend to my toddler. My attitude was.. "Oh yeah.. well see how much better I am without you." That little umph being the wee spark that kept healthy eating and regular exercise going.
It's odd. The former spouse would sometimes provoke me to where I'd get so angry.. and then.. shebang.. I could accomplish all sorts of things. Sometimes I thought he'd do it on purpose because it seemed to 'shock' my system into action.
