Well I think I got the text message situatoin taken care of, though not as I would have liked. I had to manually transcribe them. My L said I could do that for evidence gathering purposes and then the phones themselves could be entered into evidence at trial.
Not only was the process painful physically (I typed for about 4 hours straight), but emotionally as well given that I had to read each one again and type them in word for word.
Anger that I hadnt felt in a few days resurfaced a bit. Like in December when my ex wanted me to come pick D3 up from her because she was running late for work from having been at OMs house (who I didnt know about at the time). Or when D3 mentioned OMs name but she told me D3 was talking about someone else with the same name (again before I knew about OM).
It just made me feel foolish...her lying and such.
Plus then there were all the threatening messages from my ex which brought back all the mmories of the stress I went through every time she threatened to leave and take D3 away because I wouldnt obey.
And I'm sure this isnt the last time I'll see/hear them. They will come up again when the trial comes.
Like I said...things will be said by each of us that cant be taken back...and that may be the point of no return.
I'd like you guys opinion on whether I was a "douschebag" as my ex put it yesterday or if I was being a responsible parent (and feel free to say if I was).
I took D3 to preschool yesterday morning. Class starts at 8:30 and when we got there it was 8:20. My ex wasnt there, and the sarcastic was she was talking about her taking D3 to school and whatnot the day before, I wasnt sure if she was going to come.
It takes 5 minutes to get to and into the building due to its distance from the parking lot and the security measures to prevent unauthorized access to the building. So I went on and took D3 in so she wouldnt be late. About 8:28 my ex calls in tears and asks if I had already taken D3 in. I said yes because I didnt want her to be late and I didnt knowif she was coming and she called me a f*ckin a$$hole along with a few other things and hung up. I said bye to D3 and went out to my car, only to see my ex driving off (it was about 8:35 by then).
I texted her and told her she could have come in (as it WAS before 8:30) and seen D3 and she said she wasnt gonna pull her out of the classroom. I tried calling my ex because when she cries I feel bad even when I think I'm doing the right thing but she didnt answer.
So i went on to breakfast and she ended up calling me back. She said more angry/hurtful words, and even gave me crap about her mother watching D3 while I went to my job interview. something to the effect of "you finally decide to get off your f*ckin a$$ and get a job and you ask my c*nt of a mother to watch her?"
I told her I only did that because she had to work. She said she would have taken off of work (which may or may not be true given its her tax free job) and would have liked to spend more time with D3. It never occurred to me to ask her to watch D3...and I would bet money if I did, I'd be getting accusations in court that she "had to" watch D3 on my time.
At any rate, she told me she wanted to be there when D3 got out of preschool and I told her that was fine. As we were walking out with D3, D3 said "mommy can you come home?" and she said not that she had to go to work. then D3 asked again, and again...and we both realized she wasnt asking about a visit...she was asking my ex to move back home. I was beside myself as to what to say...as my ex didnt believe D3 says such things.
We told her that mommy had to go to work and that she'd see her tomorrow. I ended up calling my ex out on D3 saying those things even though she didnt believe me. I told my ex that because of how all this is affecting her, if things arent gonna change, of if everythings gonna change, we needed to get a counselor for her.
She didnt really respond to that...but instead accused me of telling D3 to say all these things...which I denied and told her that D3 was an intelligent little girl who was expressing her feelings using the words she knows.
My ex said soemthing like "and you expect me to believe you? and you expected me to stay and be miserable?" and I said that no I didnt expect her to believe me given that all her negative feelings towards me were being reenforced. And no I didnt expect her to stay and be miserable...I wanted her to stay and see that we could be happy and together...that even though I couldnt see what I was doing that made her unhappy it didnt mean I wouldnt and wouldnt do anything about it. Then i ended up telling her that if someday she realized what really happened and decided she had regrets, and she was willing to make amends, she could tome toalk to me and we might be able to work things out. I said that I couldnt make any promises though because by then too many hurtful things might have been said and done to me for me to be able to forgive and forget.
The last part was unnecessary...and she didnt respond after that. But I figured I said my peace in a non ejmotional and confrontational way...again, placing the ball in her court.
At any rate...was I a dbag for taking D3 in before my ex got there or was I being responsible in making sure she wasnt late?
nsw, not sure who your cellular carrier is, but Nextel (now Sprint) used to have a way to FORWARD text messages to an e-mail address. Much easier than transcribing, and it date-stamps them.
nsw, not sure who your cellular carrier is, but Nextel (now Sprint) used to have a way to FORWARD text messages to an e-mail address. Much easier than transcribing, and it date-stamps them.
Puppy
Thanks puppy. I did try that, but when I got the email all it would send me is the contents of the message, not the time/date/sender/recipient. So for now transcripts will do in helping my L build a case.
My ex just picked up D3...and told me D3 would be staying with my ex's sister tonight (or vice versa maybe) because my ex was gonna bartend for extra money (again tax free).
I trust my ex's sister with D3...but again my ex goes on and on about not having enough time with Kaylee and yet the one night when she gets her...she chooses to go bartend. It's very sad.
Wow...I sent my ex a msg calling her out on bartending over spending her time with D3 and her only response was "whatever". Now who's digging themselves a hole?
No you weren't a D-bag, but you shouldn't have responded back to her the second time. The first was enough where you explained your position. There was no need to do it again.
Don't even respond back to her at all.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
No you weren't a D-bag, but you shouldn't have responded back to her the second time. The first was enough where you explained your position. There was no need to do it again.
Don't even respond back to her at all.
Yeah...I guess I let her tears make me feel sorry for her. I have a feeling this isnt the last time its gonna happen either. I guess I need to learn to let her tears roll off my back like she's done with me.
Isnt it awful after all she's done to me/is trying to do to me that she can shed a few tears and I'm putty?
Sigh...my ex gave me so much hell the other day for asking my ex's mom to watch D3 during my interview instead of her. She went on and on about how she doesnt get to spend much time with D3 and how she would have taken off of work to watch her.
Then yesterday she comes to get D3 and tells me her Dad's friend's son is getting married and she's gonna bartend last night to earn extra money and that her sister would be watching D3.
I was livid. All that crap about her not getting to see much of D3 and her one night off and her one night with D3 she chooses to work...and then today she supposedly had to go into work early...so the time she spent with D3 since she picked her up yesterday morning couldnt have been more than a few hours.
I assume she wasnt lying and she did actually work today and last night instead of going off with OM for shenanigans. who knows.
But poor D3...assuming my ex actually came back to her dads house last night...must have gotten up at the crack of doanw after not sleeping well...because she was falling askeep while eating dinner again.
How in the hell can she do this?!?! How can people change so much so quickly...and if they can change quickly why do they say its BS for others to change quickly? It's sickening how she still only seems to wanna be a mother when its convenient...and she has the audacity to sue me for custody.
After all this is over...I'm going to demand a go between for dropoffs and pickups of D3. Aside from the fact that her mere presence irks me...anything she says makes my skin crawl now.
She dropped D3 off and asked if she had any mail. Without trying to show my frustration I just nodded my head no. Then as she was walking out the door she said "see ya" to me...and that really made me mad.
It's like having the convict who raped and killed your grandmother say "have a nice day" or something...as if they never did anything wrong and you should be their buddy.
Thats the part in all this that I think will keep me from ever being completely healed...is that she doesnt think she did anything wrong...she has no remorse and may never have any.
Hey NSW i Here ya on the no remorse thing. I was just commenting on that in my thread the other day. The only thing that helps me (and I am looking for other things!) Is to just look at W and think about how that is not even the same person and almost feel bad for what her life is going to become when the fog lifts--and it will someday.
Stay strong and be a great dad--that is the best thing you can do right now
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
Is to just look at W and think about how that is not even the same person and almost feel bad for what her life is going to become when the fog lifts--and it will someday.
Stay strong and be a great dad--that is the best thing you can do right now
Thanks Buffet. yeah you arent kidding about it not being the same person.
of course I often wonder also if maybe it is the same person and everythgin I came to know was just an act...meaning I never really knew her at all.
If so...then the fog may never lift...because theres no fog to lift...that's just the perosn she is and always has been.
I looked into public records about the OM...and I'm able to surmise that he's some kind of financial analyst or something. As I've guessed all along, he likely has money...and my ex, who's always been about money...has indeed found her gravy train. It's sickening.
I'd like you guys opinion on whether I was a "douschebag"
Yep.
Can you not just come to an agreement about visitation and support and move on with your life?
too much anger, too much hostility, too much emotion. arguing and carrying on like you are = "douschebag"
I imagine this is your first experience with a custody/visitation situation, so my advice to you is to just go with the flow till it all finds its rhythm. Acting all emotional and fighting distrupts the natural course of actions. Remember, children are resilient. They will survive. They will have a normal life. YOU have to learn to adjust.
I can see where you can get bent out of shape at the "drop off" when their shoes are untied, or they are sitting in the front seat instead of the back, or you get stuck with all the homework and have a date planned. But it is what it is and eventually you just get used to it. Bickering.
Bickering will get you nowhere and nothing. You can come here and complain and a few people with agree with you that your ex-wife is a biatch. But she is telling everyone in your circle of friends, he acts like a whiney little girl and he's such a loser. Then everyone you know thinks you are "douschebag" and none of the woman you know want to get naked with you because you ex-wife told them 2 inches, snores, and never got me off.
What works? the attitude:
You found someone new. I found someone new. Thats just how life goes. Have the support taken out of your paycheck. Just Smile, Say Thanks, and Be Glad She is Out of Your Life.
