One of my first lessons was understanding that there are things we can control and we cannot control. The funny part about it is....we tend to forget about the things we can control (neglecting them) and stressing about the things we do not control (stressing out over them). This applies to almost all people not just people in our situation.
So we do have the opportunity to look in the mirror and review these aspects of our lives. What I came to discover was that I was neglecting my time with my children, my body, my emotional well being, etc. Not because of my wife, but because I was spending all my time stressing over things that were beyond my control...bosses, economy, etc.
So I broke my life into two areas. One being the things I truly control....this area is small because the truth is I only control myself. The second area being things I don't control...my wife, the economy, etc.
Example- I used to get extremely stressed out by finances. I was thinking "If I have more money, I will be better off in all parts of my life"...."If I work more, I will be better financially"...so forth and so on. I would get red in the face and absolutely miserable for days on end when I didn't have the money to do what I wanted. Then of course this happened and I lost my job.....stressing more about money then. Once I put finances in an area that I didn't control...everything changed. I realized that I had no control over whether I was going to have a job tomorrow, a proposal was going to be signed, or even if a client was going to send me a check to pay their bill. I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THAT!. So why was I worrying about something that I could technically do nothing about....rather silly looking back in hindsight. Do I still think about...yes...but in this new perspective....I no longer stress about it.
As you can see...this little epiphany about my perspective on finances had a substantial affect on a many areas of my life...not just finances. Of course I then grew upon that...I worked out more, made my children a priority, worked on my mental well being, helping people who ask for help, etc.. At the same time detaching myself from things that are out my control.
This has changed me right to my core...it has changed my life. Everything else will just happen as it happens....but the things I should be worrying about are in my wheelhouse and under constant work.
Of course this has helped me immensely dealing with my wife....and this is just one lesson an LBS will go through...there are many more. Some harder and greater and some easier and smaller....but all lessons that need to be learned to become stronger and better people.
Worksheet for all;
Take a piece of paper and make two columns. One label "control" and one labeled "uncontrolled". Write in each columns parts of your life that fill a category. When you are done review...and then ask yourself "Do I really control this aspect of my life? Is there an outside force that really has control of this part of my life?".
Then look at the things in the "uncontrolled column". Ask yourself "Am I over focused on this aspect of my life?"...."Am I stressing out over something I don't control?".
The real oddity you will find...is once you truly understand what you can control and work on that...portions of the "uncontrolled" part of your life will come into your influence, but only after you have control of the necessary parts first.
