so i finally met up with my H last night. we have had some form of communication on a daily basis for at least the last 2 weeks, but it was the first time i'd seen him physically in a week.
friday i went to my cousins and had a really nice time and my H wanted to possibly meet up saturday night but i told him i had plans with my girls. we went to an art opening and then to get dinner, which was also a really good time. saturday morning my H moved out of his office (the consulting firm he and his business partner run on top of their normal 9-5 jobs) so it was a hard morning for him. he texted that he felt like a failure since his business venture hadn't panned out. i wrote back and told him that success wasn't only defined one way and that i'd always been proud of his motivation and drive to have the career that he wants. but i know it was still a hard day for him and it was difficult for me to not reach out and meet his emotional needs - so i guess that was a 180 for me, to not try and make him feel better. i just said i understood how he felt and that i was sorry he and his business partner had to move out.
saturday was also a hard day for me because i ended up at my parent's house and my sister was also there and i sort of got into a fight with my mom (typical) which turned into a "family forum" where my mom went on about how my H was not a husband, how there was no way on earth he'd ever loved me, how he would never be welcome in the family again, and how she was ready for me to cut my losses and move on. did my best to set boundaries and told them all i respected their opinions and they were all entitled to their feelings but that i was dealing with things in a way that i felt was best for ME and i just needed their support in whatever i chose to do.
sunday went to church with my girlfriends and had a call with my new life coach...who suggested that i try a therapist! i had to laugh at that. i'm thinking maybe she's right. going to look into that. my H is seeing his counselor once a week now, and they are exploring some of his past and trying to uncover the root of some of his behavior patterns. don't think that means anything would change, but at least he's making the effort to see what's beneath the surface.
it was good to see him for dinner, we tried a new place which was nice and we had plenty to talk about. we laughed some and i talked about my upcoming service trip, which i think he has mixed feelings about. he said he was jealous that i was doing it, that it wasn't just something i said i was going to do, but that i was actually doing it. so. i guess i am proving that i am a woman of my word. it was hard for him to drop me off at my apartment so he could head back to his. we called it a night early and he cried when he hugged me goodbye. he said he thinks about me and about us so much it's getting to be detremental to his productivity at work. not much i can do about that. but it's nice to know i'm thought of.
so. no expectations. if i see him this week before i leave, great. if not, i have a week in new orleans to look forward to that will keep a smile on my face.
thanks again to everyone for your thoughts and great advice. maybe i will get the hang of all of this one of these days.
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
i'm thinking maybe she's right. going to look into that. my H is seeing his counselor once a week now, and they are exploring some of his past and trying to uncover the root of some of his behavior patterns. don't think that means anything would change, but at least he's making the effort to see what's beneath the surface.
it was hard for him to drop me off at my apartment so he could head back to his. we called it a night early and he cried when he hugged me goodbye. he said he thinks about me and about us so much it's getting to be detremental to his productivity at work. not much i can do about that. but it's nice to know i'm thought of. 
