how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

OTM-

one of the best pieces of advise i've read about being a non-adhd married to an adhd spouse is that you just have to be married to the right person. i was already a pretty patient person going into my M but living with my H and dealing with the way he navigates a conversation has made me even MORE patient. i do get upset from time to time if i'm talking about something important to me and his response has nothing to do with what i'm talking about, but i've also learned not to take it personally because i know he IS listening to me, but he's just not processing information the way i do. i could get upset about that, but it would be a waste of time. hopefully your wife can realise that you don't think her ideas are a waste of time to hear, but it may also take a little extra work from you to make her feel like you DO hear her.

trust me, when i'm talking to my H about a family problem or something going on at work and he responds with, "you know, we really need to get an oil change" or "i just realised i forgot to send that email to my boss today," it stings a little. imagine if your wife responded to your conversations that way. i know it's not necessarily done on purpose or to be hurtful, but even without the intent to hurt, it still hurts just the same. but i do think it also has a lot to do with tolerance level. like i said, i am very patient. and i also have a desire to understand more about the way he thinks and the way his brain works. i will tell you, as someone without adhd, it's very hard to understand that your partner's brain doesn't work the same way yours does. if he interrupts me, why does he get to say it's because his brain is wired that way and he just doesn't filter out that conversation doesn't work that way? if i interrupt, i'm just rude. you see what i mean? so i've worked hard to get a grasp on what it means to have and operate on an adhd brain.

but i also think that the spouse with adhd needs to work equally as hard to understand the needs/feelings of the non-adhd spouse. like i said, it's all about being married to the right person.

i leave on saturday for my service trip. i'm really looking forward to it!