I figured the only way he will start feeling stronger and able to relax in our home is if I remain consistent giving him while allowing him room to give me what he feels he can give. When we talk, I sound like I did when I was on full DB mode, upbeat, flirty, happy, warm, supportive. The Wall is there and I am sure he feels it but there are openings he misses.
Yetsreday I drove my dad to my uncle, 2,5 hours roundtrip. I didnt ask him to come along with ethe kids, my uncle would be I think cold to him but when he suggested he to come along, I didnt hesitate, I happily said "that would be nice, sure!!". My kids bailed out an dhe stayed with them in the end but he saw I in no way keeping him out of my family.
Today I woke up and prepared him a sandwich (his LL is AOS) although he left at 2 in the afternoon and I left at 8, I went to bed and kissed him tenderly to say good bye, I was snuggling with him last night even though he came in very late, I "allowed" him to pay for my shirt, which is something that I NOW realise makes him feel he offers things to me, something that I would NOT allow him to do all the years we were married (my things/clothes/gifts, etc would be paid ONLY by me) an dthanked him with a funny kiss when we came out of the store, I am now and then talking about future plans etc etc, I call him pet names when I call him on the phone, joke around him more and so on. For ME that is HUGE progress. He goes along and seems to enjoy it. I hope he soon figures out how to give back in ways I enjoy... When he left to S. Africa, he made it obvious he was taking with him the book of the 5 LL I asked him to read. I dont know if he read it. I think it would benefit us a lot... K
