I'm on the same page. I have started the work, for me. It's amazing how we loose touch with ourselves. I am better today than I was a month ago when the bomb dropped. Baby steps.
W just called. Said she doesn't know why she sent the txt. She said she was a little drunk and feeling lonely. I didn't know how to respond. I said I see and the conversation kind of fizzled out.
Friday night I went out for awhile. Saw W, FIL, & S8 at a common hang out. I was dressed to the nines and looking good. My W was a little shocked to see me. I came over to say hi, bought FIL a beer, said g.nite to S8, made small talk with W. She asked what I was doing. Wanted to know why I was dressed so nice, did I have cologne on, where is my wedding ring. I didn't say where I was going or who I was going with. I knew it got to her.
The next day I told her I wasn't wearing my ring because she couldn't wear hers (her finger swelled up after she took it off for a day). I didn't want her to think I was going out looking for someone new.
Saturday night I went to my brothers b-day party. It was ok.
Sunday afternoon W dropped off S8. When we had some time alone I asked W how she was. I could tell she was bothered. She told me she thinks I'm going out too much. She thinks I have a girlfriend. I told she is right, I have been going out too much. I asked her why she thinks I have someone else. I can't blame you for wanting to find someone, she said. You are lonely. But we are still married and out of respect for me I hope you don't. That is exactly what I said to her. I didn't make a point to say that, but I was thinking WTF.
After the initial OW concerns I reassured her I was not looking for anyone. She knows what/who I want, I'm not going to make that mistake. By the end of the conversation she turned her jealousy into concerns of my going out and drinking too much on the weekends. She doesn't want me to get a DWI, die on the way home, or do something stupid.
We talked a little about how much we miss each other. I didn't want to push the subject. She said she knows what I want her to say but she can't. She is convinced this (divorce) is best for both of us. I said I know how you feel and I can understand why. I didn't beg or plead, just left it at that.
This Friday is my b-day. S8 wants to take me to Alice In Wonderland. I don't know if I should ask W if she wants to go. She said she will but only if I say it's ok. Not sure what to do here.
One other note, the Jeep is making some loud noises and needs an oil change ect.(I am my own mechanic). She asked if she could pay me to fix it or should she take it somewhere. I told her I can't do it. Tough Love?
W called begging me to look at Jeep. I told her she was putting me in a tough spot. She got angry w/ me said she will find someone to take it to. Am I doing the right thing? I really want to help her.
"I understand that you think you shouldn't have to look at my vehicle, but I'm driving with your son in it. I will take it in somewhere but I'm going to have to pay for the bill out of our joint acct. and I'm sure that's not going to make you happy, but I don't know what else to do."
