"We are not IN love with each other. We love each other, I think, but not IN love with each other."
This is something that every LBS has heard. Time and time again they are told.. don't pay attention to it. Being back in "Love" takes time. The mere act of sticking thru and trying to make it "work" is a sign that you are still in Love with him.
"When I express my hurt, he hears attack"
Ok, I understand. But what can you do to change that? How do you approach the "express hurt"? Remember you already have a wall up. People that know you can "see" that. You have to find a new way to "hide" it. (The Wall) People respond to "giving" better. In this stuff you sacrifice more than you get back at times. It is part of the game.
"I am careful when I talk but it seems he is walking on eggshels SOOO bad and he EXPECTS me to be nusty that overlooks reality, which is, I am ONLY communicating my struggle to him."
Again, he is still using the thoughts and process from times past. To be honest it is all he knows. As I have said many times before I can only talk to you. I can only guide you or offer suggestions to you. Again.. that makes you the leader in the situation. I my mind anyway. If you have to get "naked" (relating to my favorite DB.com story) to change things then do it.
"Of course I have to admit that I am not consistent"
Honestly.. you have been very consistent from what you are writing here these past few days(months,years?). You need to focus on what has worked. We have talked about them a few times before.
"he HATES that, it throws him off balance"
It has the same effect on you. Just look at what you are writing.
"He likes predictable things."
Be predictable differently. Surprise him with an action/reaction.
"I have NEVER used the sex card with him."
It is an underlying issue with you. I want him to hold me, kiss me, touch me. You may not be forcing it but it is a thought process that can drive some actions. Be careful with that in the light of the emails from the "girlfriend".
"I keep reminding myself that's not the way it works..."
Keep reminding yourself that you can make it work. Find the value in his actions that are good and feed off that. It is just as easy to do that as it is to feed off the negative value in his actions.
You have the opportunity and the know how and the gumption to change this and make it work. You just have to always be playing the game.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
