me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
flowmom, thank you. That is one reason I was asking about wether I should send him the video or not. If it might help him, I want to send it, but if everyone feels it won't do any good, then I won't.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Is this the guerrilla divorce busting video? Well, Whatnow said educating her H helped him go from deciding to D to being confused and not filing for D...I say "go for it-why not?" (I loved that video!)
but what does your gut say?
Last edited by newmama; 03/01/1005:25 AM.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Nope... what I would do is BE watching it when you expect him to pick up kids or whatever... if he ASKS, you change the screen to HIDE it.
If he pursues, you tell him its a family therapy video and ask him to leave. If he presses again, tell him that you will send him the urls to his email if he will leave you alone.
If he complies, THEN you send them.
You can't pursue, you need to get him to WANT them... the way you get him to WANT something is simple
Thanks newmama, I liked it, haven't heard mb28 say much about it.
I think its a great video to show to waywards, but you can't offer it... they have to WANT to see it...
And ya, that was the video we were talking about..
I WOULD try to get it to him, but either get your friend to share it with him, or trick him into WANTING to see it some how...
you CAN'T pursue him with it or he will attach a NEGATIVE attitude to it before he has even loaded the thing up on the screen.
I tried to get my wife to read Divorce Remedy quite often during her affair... she now HATES Michele Davis... That was MY fault.. If I had refused to let her read the book, she would likely not have this negative association... I PUT IT THERE...
The thing is mb28, it WILL do him good, but you need to massage his brain into the right mindset FIRST
You can't just HAND it to him... that's pursuit... he's giong to see that as YOU trying to TRAP him with mumbo jumbo.
If he FINDS it secretly by reading your computer screen or your freind "secretly" passes it to him saying "Don't tell your wife I gave you her video... But..."
THEN he will watch it... he has to feel like HE is SPYING on YOU.
He does NOT want YOU to SEE him PURSUE MARRIAGE... if you catch him pursuing marriage overtly he will RUN like a frightened rabbit...
he needs to SNEAK the video from you ... so you find a way to LET him. lol
Mabye you can get his mother to watch it with him first? You have to weigh how marriage friendly she is... But I suspect his mother pushing those principles on him AND her getting educated in the process will have a powerful effect.
Allen A, Did you see my post where my H had told his mom he was filing for sure today? He told his mom, that his IC helped him decide to just D. I really wish I had control over which C he went to see. He also said he has built this wall up, that he thinks will never come down.
I'm not sure what to do, I couldn't stop crying about it yesterday. My gut tell's me he is done. I did send him an email last night that said I wanted to work on the M. No reply from him though.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
