First, you must not let yourself be H's punching bag -- whether physically or otherwise. He has demonstrated violent intentions towards you and himself. You must have a plan for dealing with physical and verbal abuse. You must leave the room (or house if necessary) the minute it gets ugly to prevent this kind of thing from happening.
If you're not already, you need IC to support you while you're going through this. You need to be as strong as possible.
Men tend to externalize their depression and turn it outwards, which is why they do have a higher suicide rate. Don't try to get him to acknowledge or deal with the depression because he won't hear it from you. If you can get a friend of his to talk to him, that might be a better course of action.
I don't have experience to share with you in terms of DBing strategy, but it seems like you have to develop a serious plan of action for yourself right now.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
