Acceptable contact while GD?

[Kimmie Lee]

Don't you dare!

Hang on, breathe....

You can do this.

[luvless]

Agree! DONT do it.

[The Wifey]

I know this is hard. Believe me! But trust us, please.

[SweetCyborg]

Need help in responding to BPD WAW - since she left and I'm in the house alone, she wants me to pay all utilities. I want to validate her beliefs (important for borderlines), but also set boundaries. Does this sound OK?

"I can see how it might seem fair to you since you have to pay $100 rent at your friends' etc. and I'm in the house that you shouldn't be responsible for the utilities. However, it is still your home. Your decision to leave was your and yours alone. It is not fair that I should have to pay ALL the electricity, cable, etc. when I didn't get the choice to suddenly be living alone.

I'll have to think about this because it's definitely crossing some boundaries I'd like to establish with you/us re: negotiations. It's one thing I rarely had with you -- boundaries.

I don't want to end up in debt because you chose to give up, it's just not fair to me.

[TBL]

I read through your entire post and it sounds like you are getting stronger through this, well done. I am working on that also. I have a different post going on another issue, but similar facts to yours.

I wanted to read up on some thoughts of this no contact ie. let her pursue you angle, and you have had some really good answers posted here. I am working on that.

But to toss you some advice your email to her is too whiny (as I work on eliminating my whininess).

Take out the $100 rent part, keep it professional.

"As you are aware your monthly set expenses are substanitally less than mine from a housing standpoint. I believe it to be equitable that while I am covering most of the expenses related to this residence, that you continue to contribute to the utilties".

[SweetCyborg]

Oh! I forgot to mention, she's still paying her share (40%) of the mortgage so we don't lose the house.

[TBL]

Is their a divorce filed?

Who is paying the taxes? Are they included in the mortgage?

[SweetCyborg]

No divorce filed yet, taxes are included in the mortgage.

[TBL]

What's covered in her "rent"?

[SweetCyborg]

Her rent is $100 that she's giving to a friend for staying in her extra room.