I don't care if she is seeing them in person or not, it is still a PA in my mind if it is involving someone else even over the webcam)
"if it is involving someone else"......how could it be any kind of an affair without involving someone else?
I do not agree that it is a PA when it is over the webcam. A disgusting act, I know, but I believe a PA is when the two bodies actually have a physical touch.
I doubt the courts would uphold it as a PA. But everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She has disrespected you just about as strongly as she possibly could. To paraphrase Puppy, this is only about 1/100th of a percent less bad than had she actually bedded these men IN the house, instead of through the computer.
I think he said it in reference to the kids being in the next room being a tiny percent better than the same room when W was having computer sex. As far as the respect for her H, I agree, it is horrible. But, come on....are you saying that the kids might as well have been in the very same room watching what takes place? Are you saying that the woman might as well bring the men "into" the house and have sex? I understand (at least I think I do) what you mean....but it isn't what you are saying. I'm not defending cybersex whatsoever....but let's keep things real here. Are you saying that a man would just as soon have his wife do another man in his home--as to know she was showing herself over the webcam. Would he rather her see a naked man over the webcam or to know she had given him oral sex in real life? I realize he doesn't want either, but are you saying that the two equal as the same?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sorry MIcrazy, I got sidetracked by what the others were saying before I said anything to you.
You have a very serious stitch, as you know, and you need to be sure of what "you" want before you act. Have all your facts down and get all the information/advice here or from the DB Coaches. As frustrated as I get at the times LBH's can drag around and not do anything....OTOH,it really is upsetting to see anyone act before they really know what they are doing.
You not only have a W who has been unfaithful, but she is seriously addicted. If this is not dealt with like an addiction, then nobody wins.
Protect your children, youRself and your finances....ASAP. Once she thinks she's been exposed, she may take everything she can and run.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I don't really care what the situation would be legally. Simulating sex with a person over the webcam, well, all that's missing is the physical contact.
I guess I'm saying yes to your question, that I consider this as bad.
Though it really doesn't matter what any of US think about it. Seems to me that MI made it clear that he's not too keen on it himself, and that's really the issue here.
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I'm not trying to stress the legal part, either, (just threw that in) but I find it hard to believe a man would think it is just as bad for his W to physically give another man oral sex......rather than her see OM on her computer!
So.....what does that say about men looking at porn? That is what I find rather amazing on this board. Men are having fits whenever they discover that the W is on the computer with other men, but it doesn't seem all that bad for him to look at porn. (And, that's not to say that I endorse women talking or camsexing with OM)
You are right, this is MI's thread and I apologize to him for taking up this space to discuss pros & cons of the cybersex issues, but I need to know how men see this before I can respond with any "advise". I would be interested in knowing if other men agreed with you or had different thoughts. Might be a topic for a thread, IDK.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I just thought I'd add that my ex considered porn to be equivalent to actually going out and being physically involved with another person. That may color my thinking some.
There is something slightly different in my mind between porn and an online webcam session with someone you're wanting to be involved with, and maybe have been involved with in real life. Clearly both are destructive though.
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Cybersex is hugely different than simply looking at porn (my preference is the old school 70's Boogie Nights style porn) because it is interactive. And you guys know it! We're talking WEBCAM here! ICK!!
RobX and Gnosis have given you a very clear roadmap to follow.
It is also the plan with the greatest chance of a favourable outcome, whether that is with your wife or not.
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So you guys are all on the same page and think the direct hard-hitting approach is the best.
It's the only one worth doing, and the only one which will work.
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I just wonder if I'd get a whole sentence out before she ran out the door. When she doesn't like what she's hearing she'll tend to run away.
No surprises there.
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I guess that's alright...
No it isn't.
Stick to the direction you've been given by Gnosis and Robx, grab your nuts and execute the plan. Prepare for some rage from your wife and know that it will pass.
GH31
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
Cybersex is hugely different than simply looking at porn (my preference is the old school 70's Boogie Nights style porn) because it is interactive. And you guys know it! We're talking WEBCAM here! ICK!!
Carry on.
My thoughts exactly. They're both involved. It's not just self fulfillment for one with no interaction.
