Hi Ken, sorry that I'm just now finding you. Haven't been on the board the past few days as much as usual. Anyway, I don't know if I'll be much help but I'm sure willing to do whatever I can.

I didn't have a Ah-ha moment before I stopped my EA, but man on man have I had moments that TulsaTime described:

Quote:
What the hell did I do?


I agree with what has been said, in that a WAW has to see reality through her WAW fog. It is a very dense fog and therefore has to be something that just slaps her right in the face.

I've said it before and still cling to it.....a WAW needs to suffer from shock or loss due to her WA decision. As long as she is able to enjoy her new freedom and the life of being single/affair......along with keeping you as "her best friend".....what does she lose? Oh, a home, car, money, etc. might be a good start, but those things can also be replaced, so I would look at something that somebody else cannot replace. That makes it personal, doesn't it?

So, what could you give her that nobody else could give her? That answer has to do with "you" and you alone. That is why I believe in "dropping the rope". Yes, that means to leave her alone and move forward. If she is going to be attracted to you, it will be b/c you've become a great guy, and b/c you don't really need her, and b/c you have a life of your own and are happy without her!

She will hear all about how great you look these days and how you are seen here & there and you seem soooo happy. She will lose those phone calls and late night talks with you. Heck, she won't even have you as her best friend. BTW, did you marry her to be her best friend? Didn't think so.

She might get calls, emails, friendships, etc., from others....but it won't be "you" and that is what she will miss. Oh, she won't tell you that, more than likely, but she'll miss it. She will feel the emptiness and loss.

What could happen to cause her shock? Sometimes that takes care of its own and sometimes the H can help, but it needs to be decided based on the stitch. Also, it does not mean that you are trying to "fix" her. That is what so many LBH's try to do and it never...never works. She won't change and you can't fix her.

What I mean by she won't change, I mean she is not going to snap out of this fog she's in. If she's in an A, and I think she is....then it will be even harder. A few may have some "Ah-ha" moments but I don't recall reading where anyone actually was snapped out of a WAW fog (doesn't mean it hasn't happened...but I don't know of any). I personally believe that it is a process and it takes time to get through all the steps or stages to fully heal from an A (just like a death of a loved one, something like that). It's emotional for everyone involved but she can't get over it in a few weeks even after she may decide to stay in the M.

The H is wanting to see signs of her willing to work on the M and he thinks everything will be fine, but it's not quite that simple for her.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!