This may need to be a multi parter, getting ready for work & packing simultaneously.
H comes trotting in at 3 a.m. Fri. nite. Go downstairs & very, very stupidly tell him to file. I had been drinking, so I am aware that had I not been, wouldn't have done that. H had also been drinking.
Next 45 minutes involve screaming, H throwing things, H dousing me in beer, threatening to break comp monitor, breaking my office door, slapping me [only time H has raised hand to me, ever], me punching H for slapping me, calling H lying cheater about 4,000 times, H admitting to f&*king OW & saying she's much better in comparison.
H said 'I wish you were dead' x 50. H repeatedly called me a whore, says he hates me, threatened suicide, then said how that would be my fault and I would have to live w/the guilt. H says I was lousy wife, cold, all his friends hate me, all his friends 'warned' him about me, lousy housekeeper, cook, sex partner.
This is all so terrible, I'm having a hard time typing it out.
Fight started reigniting in the morning, diffused it, then talked for 2 hours.
H again talking about suicide. H referencing mutual friend who committed suicide 2 weeks before bomb and how friend had right idea. Again said to H that untreated depression has been going on for over a year, please seek help. H says he is doing things in order [d, OW, then possibly help for depression]. H again says depression is my fault, wouldn't be depressed if M/me weren't so awful.
During calm talk period, H's phone vibrates - OW's special ringtone - silent on vibrate. Get up, start going upstairs, H becomes agitated. Say to H - 'Call her back. This is the big white elephant in the room. Just call her'. H doesn't deny it. H says 'we were talking' & 'I don't want to talk to anybody'.
Come back down, H keeps talking. Listen, validate. Talk for another 90 mins. or so. Amazed that H kept OW waiting that long to return call.
Rest of day fairly calm. Leave for work, H outside walking dog. Bend down to say bye to dog and H. kisses me on mouth. Last 6 months, H has kissed me 3 times total. Tell H have a good night. Leave.
I don't know how to even begin to try to DB. Combo of depression, OW, possibly MLC. Head swimming; trying to get help moving starting tomorrow. Movers can't do anything til next week. I just don't know what to do. Seems like everything I do is wrong.
This whole thing is so insane, out of control.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
