Going All In

[Betterman]

Wow...I just realized that this may be a way to just placate her need to be controlling anyhow. Which she is. I really had to rethink a lot of this stuff over the past few weeks since I wrote the posting here. I have come to several conclusions:

1) She has severe trust issues that she needs to work on, and that has been an underlying current in our relationship since the beginning.

2) She is controlling. Our marriage has also been a power struggle from the beginning and I have often conceded "defeat" to keep the peace and to "keep her happy."

3) She is vengeful and vindictive and has problems forgiving. She has told me that she would never forgive me for something I did years ago. This has been a knife in my heart for about a year now and I was hoping that by going to counseling together we could somehow work all of this out. But, that never had a chance, and that was her decision because she is afraid to take a good, hard look at herself.

4) By writing a contract, I enable all of the above and we start right back where we were when things were crappy. How is this helpful? It is not.

So scrap this idea. I'm looking like crazy for my DB book and cannot find it. It's making me nuts! I'm going to read thru it again and hopefully it'll give me ome insight as to what the heck to do now.