You sound more on the + side. I'm wondering: (1) why does he still keep those files and e-mails form the OW if he's really DONE with her? (2) Does he know you know about these files? Perhaps its time to address this head on, including openenly resolving the issues of sex and the kids rather than let all this continue to brew.
I'm getting the impression (1) H is often afraid of you; not that you can do him any harm. But he is constantly trying not to rub you the wrong way as he cannot deal with it when you get emotionally upset. He does not really know where he stands with you. He rather be quietly gone a few days than risk being subject to molten lava from an emotional volcano which he does not have the skills for. He does not feel at home yet. (2) You are actually constantly judging, analyzing, and expecting every little thing related to him and that's adding a lot to the tension. Perhaps you can try to understand how *he* feels about this or that and that would break the ice a bit. Remember that so far you are the much bigger person in this journey.
