Funny thing is this time reading that email he had on his laptop (the rest were HER work files), I felt stronger. The stupidity of her arguments made me realize she is far more pathetic than I thought. Especially the phrase "if your kids arent a reason good enough for you, then think about your sex life!!!". She was "defending" our kids and thought his sex life was a stronger motive!!! I can understand why she'd gone crazy. I mean, she actually thought THEY would build a life together, he left us for God's sake, for HER!!! And then, her dream became an agonizing nightmare...
Anyway, the weekend was relaxed and nice. I am acting as the best life partner I can be, granted the situation. I felt much better too. I had moments when I felt I am doing the hard work again but once I would remind myself, I am doing this FOR ME, I was feeling better and more determined.
A couple of times, his mood was low/he felt tired but pretty quickly he would "follow me". I am polite, caring, upbeat, easy going and funny. No R talks, no comments about her or their A, just living the present.
There were a few incidents that felt good like for example, I laid on the carpet tickling my D and him and my S joined us and we were all tickling each other and he actually started tickling me which is rare. Our physical contact is very limited.
Sat moring we went shopping and he bought me what I wanted, a nice black shirt. On Sat evening we met with some friends of ours that were separated but got back together and they are extremely happy. They were talking to us about the new hobbies they took on, the time they spend together, their future plans... I felt a bit awkward but later when they left, I wasnt mad at him as I would have been in the past, I was still sweet and caring tc etc. I think that was something he noticed and was relieved to see I responded differently than what he expected...
He also told me his sister is getting a divorce. That was no surprise for me. She is a typical WAW, that has an A, and thinks her H of 20 years is no longer good enough for her. Mind you this is her second affair. Listening to him teling me the news, gave me the creeps (?sp?), I was thinking "I dont want this to happen to me down the road" and I know he was thinking the same thing "if we can fix this or if we are just kidding ourselves, buying time". That moment, I stopped my thoughts from depressing me and went the "if soemone can do it, we can, yes WE can" road. I think that was another surprise for him, "no effect to US because of THEM".
I am not saying things are great, or even good, but things are better. For me at least. I am doing my best and it is very soothing. K
