Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

So, in good news, H did follow thru (got there a minute before they closed) but he did it, and got his tags all taken care of. Good for him.

Thursday night he didn't come down as I said earlier b/c he wasn't feeling good. Later that night he texted me that he was bored and too bad I had to go to bed early ("early" is subjective b/c I normally go to bed around 10, which is pretty normal for a full time working mom, who gets up at 5). I joke back that yeah, too bad work gets in the way. I ask him what he would want to do if I didn't have to get up for work in the morning and he replies that he would do whatever I would want to do. Uh, that's not really an answer, but I joke back with some ideas, but then I never heard back from him again. I find it so annoying when he just abandons a conversation like that. If he has to go somewhere at last say "got to go" or "good night". I don't really know what he was up to and it's hard not knowing. He mentioned something on Friday about having to go save his friend/co-worker (also OW1's old roommate) from a date with this creepy guy (H said he "owed her one" so that's why did that for her). He took her back to where she is living right now with another co-worker (this co-worker's house is also where OW1 has been staying when she comes down for her 3 days of work a week, but I don't know which days those are). I wonder if H was over there late (or out late somewhere), b/c he totally over slept for work the next morning and threw off the whole kitchen at the start of a very busy day. Needless to say, he's in a little bit of hot water over that! (but H can always talk his way out of anything).

So Friday night, we have been hanging out together the last few weeks, so I asked him what was up. He said they were super busy at work and didn't know what time he would be off. A while later he texts how he was so mad that he had to work late b/c he had wanted to come over early and have dinner with S and I. I just said that I was glad he was thinking about us and sorry it didn't work out. H finally gets off at 10 and we decide he should still come over and we'll watch some tv together. So that all worked out. After my previous dicussion about being exhausted between his and S's opposite sleep schedules, he actually went to bed with me at 12 and then amazing (a first for S), S slept until 7:30! I don't know what happened there, but it was awesome! I got sleep, and despite another bad night of sleep apnea, H got up around 11 and we were able to take S to brunch. So that was all good.

Some negatives. H said he wants to move out soon from his current place with his co-worker (yay!) but then he said that he wanted to move into another singe bedroom apartment near there (boo). I asked him what lease terms they have b/c I told him I wanted to continue to think positive in terms of us. He said that he would probably do a 6 month lease, but then went back to his old philosophy that he wasn't going to work things out with me completely until he gets his own sports bar (yes, that's his dream-to own his own sports bar). I didn't really know what to say to that so I let it go, but now I'm thinking, being realistic, that could be years. You just don't walk into your own place at 28! It amazes me that he would rather put our R on hold for money and continue to miss all of S's childhood. S already doesn't like him around. He would scream everytime H tried to hold him and took him hours for him to finally warm up to him. It seems like S views H as the dating intruder instead of the father that is suppose to be there in his home. Just looking from the outside, it's such a sad situation.

We also discussed our anniversary again. I asked him if he had thought anymore about what he wanted to do on Thursday and he played dumb, saying "what's thurday?". I just told him the date and he says, oh, we could do dinner or something, but no other anniversary things (no cards, gifts, etc). I say that was fine and he picked a restaurant, so I guess that's that. I decided not to plan a big evening after all b/c it obviously does not mean to him what it would mean to me, so it's better just to keep it simple.

It's just odd though. When he looks at me, I can almost see the love in his eyes again, but his actions and words are just hit and miss. I just feel like I could use some more verbal reassurances. I just want more of him then he is giving me. It's just so draining when you keep giving and giving, you just want to feel some of that love in return. I really don't know where I stand to him in this and that's hard. Trying to stay positive though...