Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Sandi,

I did give her the dishes and some other things yesterday and dropped thmem off at our house. I just felt like it was the right thing to do.

Today at church I prayed for a sign with my W, a phone call, text message, something. After church I stopped by the house to check on it since no one is living there. Well, my W was there and packing the dishes I left for her. I think she was a bit surprised when I walked in. A sign? Who knows...

It was the first time we have been alone together and in the house since she left in Oct. We walked around the house together and taklked about all of the things that need to be done to get it ready for sale. The entire time my W walked around with her arms crossed...seemed like a defense mechanism. She was very quiet in her voice when she spoke. I tried to see if I could talk about something other than the house but not about R. So I asked her about her health and she answered a few questions but said she didn''t want to talk about it. I also told her where I was living and she thanked me for telling her. I asked her about her apartment and she told me that she doesn't have one yet, hasn't signed any lease and doesn't know when she will get around to it. This changed quick after she told me last week that she was getting ready to get her apartment and made it sound like it was a done deal. There were a few other personal things I asked her which she answered which I thought was good.

Her tone today was much better than our conversation on Thursday. I got her to crack a smile and chuckle a few times today. I helped her pack a few of her things into her car and then gave her a quick hug when we left. She didn't hug me back but she didn't pull away...she kept her arms crossed. She didn't talk about anything negative today and neither did I.

Overall I thought it was a very positive interaction. I can't put my finger on it and don't know how to describe it but after today I truly am starting to think that my W might be struggling with this. I would love to think this gives me hope but I know better and will continue to give her space and time. I know my W and I beleive that she is not 100% convinced of what she wants. I was very upbeat and positive today with her.

I can definitely understand how easy it is to slip into R talk. Being alone today with those quiet moments I could have easily talked about the R but I kept strong and never mentioned it. I told her that i was going to come by the house again later today and bring the dogs if she wanted to see them and take them for a walk. She said she would think about it which I know means no but it was a better way of her to say it then come right out and say no in an angry way. She said she might come back later today to get more of her things.

So who knows what any of this means or if anything with my W has changed. At least she was more receptive to conversation today. The anger wasn't there today. Maybe a bit of trust was rebuilt today. Maybe some of the things I am doing are showing positive signs? I'll continue to stay patient. Maybe my not pushing and pursuing are starting to work? I wanted to text her again today and see if she wanted to meet me at the house to see the dogs but I realize that is pursuing and I won't do it. If she wants to see them she will let me know.

I really needed this today. It's been a tough week for me for some reason. I wanted so bad to hug my W and not let her go today.