For Sandi2

[elscotto]

Sandi, you are right on on all points. I lost my temper on the last point and that was over a month ago--I regretted it. I had been pretty good for a long time up until then and I have been really good since then but I lost it that day. That was the day I called her to ask her if I had heard correctly and she and the OM were really planning on telling our kids that they were dating. At that time we had not been divorced for even 4 mos and the OM had not been divorced for even 2 mos. Additionally, the whole divorce was a shock to the kids since they thought everything was rosy with their parents--I don't think it was rosy by any stretch but we didn't fight, we were intimate together, but were very busy building businesses.

My mode of operandi at this point is to eliminate all communication possible with her that doesn't have to happen or involve the children. As i think back on it all encounters with her leave me feeeling badly because almost all involve her wanting something from me and me having to tell her no--almost all but not all.

As for the words of a relationship versus an affair I think the reason it is/was important to me is I want her to face the emotional costs of what she has done and it seems to me that accepting that she has actually done something wrong is a part of that. In her mind a relationship wasn't wrong but an affair is so if she labeled it the former then...no guilt.

All my friends tell me that most likely she'll wake up someday and realize what she has done I just hate seeing her put the kids behind her affair partner. She pushes those boys out the door when its time for them to come home to my house to the point that she will drop them off to an empty house. I told her I would not do the same with her and I felt it was wrong to do that and I would only drop the boys off to an occupied home. They are not property to be moved around at will.

I just want off the carnival ride is all. I do work out 5 times a week, I am in shape, my businesses are successful now that I can refocus on them and actually care. I started going to church with a woman I am seeing and I get some comfort from that. I am just still so saddened by something that was so destructive happening that didn't have to happen. Every day that goes by seems to make the destruction more and more permanent.

I was talking to the OM's ex and we both agree that we have the "whatever those two do doesn't bother us weeks" but neither of us are able to pinpoint what causes that mindset. Really, the ex and the OM stuff bothers me less and less all the time but there seems to be triggers that I can't pinpoint. I'd like to eliminate that stuff.