Husband left me 3 months pregnant...

[Babydoll]

We have been married for over 4 years, together for more than 12 years. We were probably too good to be true,we were each other's best friend. He decided he doesnt love me anymore and left me on New years day. our families and friends are completely shocked because this is so uncharachteristic of him. He said he wanted to start a family and I was ecstatic, because we put so much of our lives on hold, and sacrificed so much that past 2 years, he is a full time student in a CRNA program, and will be done this July. he is different to me now. I feel like I never really knew him. He left and said he has no regrets, and is happy (living at his parents, going to school, and lost most friends bc of this situation). I am completely distraught. I found out that the day we told everyone we were pregnant, he met up with a friend that night to tell him he was not in love with me anymore and wanted to leave. Now I am all alone, and living the life we dreamed of and built and the life he left behind. He has to be in love with someone else right?

I would do anything and everything to make it work. Part of me feels like I never really knew the real him anyways? I cant stop texting and calling.

I dont know how to let go.

[newmama]

Babydoll, I am very sorry to hear this happened to you. It is more common thank you think.

First, stop all texting and calling. Pat yourself on the back each hour that goes by that you don't do it. The first 3 days will be the hardest and then it will get easier.

Any chance there is another woman involved? How old are you two?
Has he taken any legal action to file for divorce?

[luvless]

Pretty sure there is an other woman involved. Please STOP texting and calling. Whatever you do DON'T do it. He knows your there waiting for him that isn't a challenge for him.

For you...and your baby you must let go!

Keep reading here and learn.

[crushed_v95]

Who cares if there is or isn't another woman involved? Would it really make a difference?

Listen to what luvless and newmama say. Don't call or contact him unless it has something to do with the pregnancy/baby, and don't let that be an excuse to talk to him.

Talk to us instead of him. Tell us more about yourself. You're anonymous here, so let it rip.

[crushed_v95]

Pretty sure there is an other woman involved.

None of us can be pretty sure of anything. When I pull the rug out from under my own beloved wife (soon!) I'm sure she'll invent a girlfriend (she is already constructing a narrative around someone I have never met) in order to soothe her tattered ego and excuse the fact that I simply didn't want to be married to her any longer.

Maybe this guy is just stressed with the idea that he's going to have a baby and needs some time away. Don't fill this poor girl's head up with mystery supermodels yet. She'll be throwing in the towel by this evening.

[newmama]

Yes, it does matter if there is an OW involved. Her actions should be the same regardless, I agree, BUT affairs are temporary 95% time. And with exposure, some can end sooner. And it is nice to be able to understand the sudden change in their feelings is not real--it's not due to us--it's b/c of an OP!

[flowmom]

Babydoll sorry about what you're going through. Leaving a W who is pregnant...that's pretty low. Please read Divorce Remedy ASAP, and stop contacting your H in any way. You need to take emergency measures to stop making things worse for your situation and that means no pursuing on your part. At the very least it will make your H wonder what the heck is going on and that will put him off-kilter.

[Babydoll]

thanks everyone... seems so hard to stop. I went through days without any contact and i actually feel better those days, knowing that i dont have to expect any communication back. Im 30, he's 31. He told me several days before christmas that he didnt love me anymore. I nearly died. there were no arguments leading up to this, no signs, nothing. I keep thinking i was stupid and naive. Everyone around us says they always thought he adored me and loved me so much. Guess not enough.

he denies anyone else, and ive searched through every thing, cell phone records, credit card statements, etc. Nothing. But i do believe there is someone who has his heart. No one leaves for no reason. Not a baby on the way. sometimes we talk and we can be civil, for the most part its constant arguing. we met at the ultrasound the other day, hadnt seen each other in weeks. he was somewhat normal, i wasnt. he said he loved me (like a friend im sure) and he held my hand, i was more distant that he was. but that night reality hit and i was celebrating my baby son all by myself. he claims he wants to be a part of the baby's life. and he doesnt understand why we cant be friends... because he says we were best friends and can still be. Really? i want my husband back not a friend?

i really need to stop contacting him. even my psychologist thinks this is bazaar. I was always pretty intuitive and feel things, and I guess Im not because i was completely blindsided and didnt see this coming. We planned a baby for god's sake! we talked about what our life would be like when he was done school, this summer, what we planned to move, how we wanted to live life now that school was out of the way! he is not a child, he is a grown man.

you dont just stop loving someone. i dont believe it. not without the other person knowing. that's why i believe he fell for someone else, and left the first chance he could.

he agreed to go to counseling together to learn how to co-exist in the baby's life, but not for us, because he doesnt feel anything for me anymore. My psych thinks they are going to start with us and what happened to us before we can make any headway. not sure he knows this and im not telling him. he is only truly excited and happy when he talks about the baby. What about me? i feel used.

thanks for listening or reading. not really sure how this all works but i dont know where else to turn. i need help.

[crushed_v95]

Yes, it does matter if there is an OW involved. Her actions should be the same regardless, I agree, BUT affairs are temporary 95% time. And with exposure, some can end sooner. And it is nice to be able to understand the sudden change in their feelings is not real--it's not due to us--it's b/c of an OP!

I disagree. It makes no difference at all. He could have left because he succumbed to mental illness, or because he's actually a counterfeiter who is hiding from the law, or because Kate Moss asked him to move in. Either way he's gone.

Nothing and everything is due to us in any case. People leave because they want to leave every time, and every time they find some lame excuse which pins their leaving on the left behind spouse. Who cares?

The poor pregnant chickie who got left behind is encouraged not to try to psychoanalyze her wandering husband from afar. Work on yourself doll. Know that no matter what happens, people care about you and the baby. You will be O.K.. You are strong, decent and capable of many things.

[crushed_v95]

He told me several days before christmas that he didnt love me anymore. I nearly died.

I got that same speech right after New Year's Day. I'm so sorry. I was 39 and my wife was 40.

It does hurt, doesn't it? It's a pain that's so indescribable and incredible it defies any attempt I might ever make to write about. All I can do is tell you that I felt it too, and that I'm finding ways to deal with it. You are too.

Peace!