Post any questions you might have to me here....

[flowmom]

HB, thanks for your caring reply to my questions and comments. It means a lot to me. I am working on GAL and dealing with my own issues, both personally and in IC. I'm working on giving H less head time too.

It also seems to me that he's suffering some guilt, and it could be over what you describe before you got married, or maybe not; they exhibit guilt over a number of things, and it's not always what you think.

He definitely feels guilty about leaving his family, he even said that in an email to my mother when he separated.

That's why you gotta keep letting him go for now; I would certainly hope he doesn't start a MLC affair or do something worse. So far, if I understand this right, there's no sign of OW?

No. About a week after he moved out, I asked (for the second time) if there was on OW involved in our sitch. With a bitter tone of voice, he replied "I wish. It would make this a lot easier for me". I believe that he said that truthfully and impulsively. But of course he could have been lying. Also, about 2 weeks ago he mentioned a hypothetical scenario of him dating but clarified that he wasn't yet. I'm assuming that he will be in a sexual relationship soon, if not already.

There is no rule in MLC that says they have to go and get their own OW/OM to complete the picture. In fact, some drink themselves half to death, dabble in drugs, and do other "running behaviors" that "dull the pain" of life.

H doesn't drink or do drugs. He has used relationship/sex melodrama in an addictive way to deal with pain and grief before though. He did come to understand this about himself so it will be interesting to see if he goes there again (if he hasn't already).