I read your points above about you feeling you were cold to him during the marriage, and yes once the affair is over that IS something you would have to work on... but while there is a third party acting to break you two APART, that wont' help you right now... he's just going to soak up all the affection he can get from BOTH of you and YOU will end up depressed and anxious...
I would agree with this. People in affairs simply are NOT able -- not just emotionally, but even physiologically -- to receive emotional "deposits" from their betrayed spouse.
One suggestion, however, I give people is to try to let your husband see (or hear about from third parties) you acting in a "180" way (in this case, more loving, warm, romantic, whimsical) towards OTHERS. Your kids, other friends and family members, etc. "One thing I've noticed, Mr. MB, is how MB has really changed lately. Why just the other day, she was _________ . "
Trust me, word of how the betrayed spouse is doing will almost ALWAYS find its way back to the cheating spouse; often times, they are SEEKING it.
