flowmom | shifting from devastated to rebuilding

[flowmom]

Fm, I am 100% with you on the security bond issue. I have not allowed my S to "stay at dad's" yet and I hope not to but H is bringing it up.

Yes, I can definitely understand your reasons for keeping consistency in where S sleeps.

I would love to send him that article, but he is an intellectual and will laugh off the source. If you can find something more "academic" would you let me know?

Yes, the article doesn't come from a place of intellectual authority. I think it's tricky to get into the "academic"/evidence-based realm though. There so much conflicting research about custody and what's best for the children. Most studies are mostly likely very poorly done and not statistically sound (typical for the social sciences). I would like to find an article that expresses my POV effectively, rather than one that says that my POV is supported by facts. Because that just opens a can of worms of other studies that say different things. Different advocacy groups have played a role pushing various research agendas, so you can find a study that supports anything that you want to say.

I think the email was perfect - rr's version even better. CLear, concise, non blaming yet firm. SEnd it!

I think I will but I'll follow Gardener's advice to wait until tomorrow. And look for a better article.

But maybe I should leave the article out altogether. I've been saying to H that we're not a typical family and that we need to make our own choices about what's best for our children. Other people's experiences can be useful to know about, but they are not necessarily a guide for our parenting choices.