Can not speculate on the "actual" events of what she did. But, that is a clear violation of the boundary thing. In MY book at least.
I am all for the own interests and maintaining individuality, but those are for NORMAL relationships. You (and all of us on this board) do not have a NORMAL relationship. You know this, I know this, everyone here knows this. But, she does not know this.
IF I were in your shoes (and it's always easier to offer advice not being in the situation at the moment), even if the discussion is ovre, I would strongly recommend revisiting the boundaries with her. She may not wish to hear it, but if you guys are to have a fighting chance, then she needs to know.
From the outside perspective, there is still a lot of drama going on and I still encourage you to write the list of steps with the xw and counquer one at a time.
