WAW Using God II

[pigskin]

Well, two weeks in a row now my wife has taken the kids to an event where the OM was. This time it was with a work friend who invited them to watch his hobby group. This occurred right after I attended an event on the same day with her and the kids, after which she thanked me for coming.

No question she knew the OM would be there. I'm not going to be naive about that. She is blatantly breaking an agreement we had where the kids would not be exposed to him. Just like a teenager who understands the rules and says "I don't care, I'm going to do it anyway." She is going to make any excuse to see the OM, even if the kids are with her.

This just shows she is doing nothing to limit exposure to him. I don't care about her actions when she is alone; I have no control over that. It just means we are nowhere near reconciliation since she won't break away from seeing him. I just think it is BS she involves the kids as well.

From all I've read, backed up by things Puppy has written as well, withdrawal "clocks" reset to zero with every exposure. Her circle of friends is going to keep her there, since they are all work friends of the OM as well.

I let last week go without saying anything. I have said that since we are separated, I don't have any leverage to play right now. I don't plan on confronting her about this most recent violation but I will keep it in my back pocket for when she makes a request of me (such as changing our arrangement with days we have the kids). I will tell her agreements require trust on both sides, and she has shown that she cannot honor any agreement.

We're coming up on the one year mark of her EA, with no real signs of it burning itself out. I get encouraged when I read things that say affairs tend to run their course within 6 months to a year, but I think that is just giving me false hope in this case.

Prayer and my own personal strength are all I have right now. My gut still tells me to hang in there, but sometimes I worry that my perseverance and refusal to give up may cloud my perception of reality, and may prolong this situation.

I keep thinking of the Stockdale paradox that coach always talks about. To me that means that I cannot expect any progress, I just have to remember that I will prevail in the end. Setting timetables and expectations runs against that thinking, and I don't think I am doing that. It is just very, very frustrating. I guess I should look at this latest development as par for the course, and to expect more of the same.