I am feeling much better these days. I think for a few different reasons. Firstly I am speaking a lot to another woman who lives her whose H left her 10 months ago. I talk to her, try to make her feel better and more positive and the benefit is sometimes when you help others you yourself feel so much better. She's in a absive relationship but still wants him back. I keep telling her she deserves better but I think that is starting to sink into my own brain as well. I deserve(d) better too.
Also I am moving and really taking control of my life that way. I am getting excited by all the opportunities and adventures that lay before me. And for once I am trying to control my own life rather than have others do it for me. It's a very liberating feeling. I am going to spoil myself this year. Life is so short I want to be happy and have fun. I want to make all my dreams come true. I know it won't be easy but I am starting to see my marriage for what it was... really not that great... instead of idealizing it and pretending it was hunky-dory. I want a great relationship and maybe all this happened for a reason. And the truth is maybe I really am better off without him. I see this poor woman I am friends with - she's been married for 15 years - they have 2 kids. He hits her - and speaking to her I see how much emotional damage he has done. I feel so sorry for her... she deserves so much better. Am just thankful I got out when I did. Living with someone who doesn't truly love and respect you is so not worth it. I am finally starting to realize that. Hope it continues.
