Its been a rough two weeks with the new commute. When things wear me out I tend to think of H with some resentment..that he's doing nothing financially or emotionally for his daughters..yet going after my financial assets and child sport via the divorce.
My pity parties don't last long and they are private affairs.
But even though I am GALing when I can and am enjoying making my own decisions on buying things for the girls or myself without needing H's input/opinion, I really do miss him(the way he used to be). I really miss having my best friend beside me to share the days' events, dreams and hopes of the future. I miss having my family whole.
D14 had a meltdown today...she rarely has them. Says that nothing in her life is working.. she settled down and we had a bit of a talk..but now its apparent that even though she seemed to be handling things well, it is a facade. She's really strugglng inside with all kinds of stuff,not just the divorce.
Being a teenager is so rough sometimes. I wouldn't want to go back to that now..don't envy H his mental timeframe.
H did show up at D14's drumline competiton in Loveland today-bit of a drive for him. D14 said she saw him for 3 seconds before their performance. I didn't go since I had to shuttle D12 to a birthday party.
Suppose I'll see him tomorrow at the trip meeting with D12. Really don't want to. With the divorce stuff that is going on I just feel like he is two-faced and feeling entitled. I think its fear causing his about-face on wanting money/assets from me, but I still feel deceived. He always said that he didn't want 'stuff' from me, that he needed to stand on is own two feet..blah blah blah. His talk isn't matching the lawyer's 'walk'.
Going to restart therapy and hope I can convince one or both girls to start as well.
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
