Got it. DARK. Had to talk to a Realtor together and WAW teared up. NO arm patting or reassurance this time. Afterwards, I left and said I'm going to the movies. It was hard to see her, but I smiled joked around w/ the Realtor was strong.
Trouble is, it still feels like my world/life is crumbling. I'll have a few good hours, maybe a good day, and then crushing anxiety, sleepleness, no appetite. I NEVER let WAW see or know this, but what she is doing feels like emotional, physical torture. She knows I'm very sensitive, and has asked how I'm doing a few times and I say "fine". Which is usually not true.
It's just so crazy, because the night before she said "I'm done" she was planning our vacation. A week prior she wrote me a (very rare) note saying how proud of me she was (I had quit smoking and was working out like a fiend to lose this 25 pounds I gained in the last 8 years).
She's very uptight in general, list-maker, rigid about routines, and I"m creative, a musician (but always held a good job and made good money) and more free-spirited. She always saw the negative, and I always tried to inject the positive into her worldview. She had some great qualities, but selflessness and giving were not there. I guess it didn't bother me for the first 10 years, only after we moved here and I felt unappreciated or something. I couldn't get back to 'me'.
Everyone says it would be best for me to move forward, but the thought of losing so much of what we've worked so hard for seems inconceivable. I hope I can go back to sleep and wake up with more hope for the future. I really have to question more and more why I want to be with someone so callous. But, I have to say I really still love and care for her -- crazy right?
Last edited by SweetCyborg; 02/28/1006:57 AM.
Eternal optimist
LBS (me):48 WAW:44 Married:11 T: 16 Separated: 02/10/10 Separated: one year first time, two years ago Sitch: http://bit.ly/baqySm
