flowmom | shifting from devastated to rebuilding

[flowmom]

should I send this email?

Hi H,

I'm glad that things went well with the overnight last night. It sounds like you made an effort to help them feel comfortable. And thanks for respecting my discomfort around the children doing a second overnight in a row with you tonight. Sorry I sounded tense on the phone...your request threw me for a loop.

Let's do some thinking about what's best for the children with overnights. My starting point is that occasional overnights with you are probably beneficial for the children. Perhaps even once a week if the experience continues to be positive, as it seems to have been last night. I am concerned, however, about two or more nights in a row, except in exceptional circumstances...in the short term at least. Convenience (for you or me) should not be a consideration in how we manage this.

Would you be willing to read the article below? It expresses my concerns around the children being expected to do overnights on a regular basis:
http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/peter_haiman3.html

I am hoping that we can concentrate on providing a secure base for the children right now. I'm observing signs of stress and distress in the children lately. S6 is mentioning feelings of sadness and "what is wrong with me?". D3 is showing more aggression, withdrawal, preoccupation with understanding what the separation means to our family, and overall seeming outwardly less happy. People who are close to our family have commented on the changes in D3 especially. You may not be seeing this, and that is not surprising as children are typically more open with expressing their vulnerability with the primary caregiver. These reactions are not surprising, but my interpretation is that the recent changes are enough for them to cope with.

Flowmom