Puppy, I do agree with you. I did already know this and have the choice to make; Accept my W's offer to quit college and so avoid the OM. This would in the long term cause the problem of taking away one of her dreams and her opportunity to do something for herself. She would just sit at home and become more depressed. This would not improve our sitch. Yes the OM would be gone - so far as I would know - but it would drive us both into an emotional blackhole.
Or I could decide to trust her a little.
If she wanted to continue the R with the OM, she could do it any way even if she quit college or not. I would not know, and a few months down the line she walks out again for good.
For us to have any chance I must trust her a little - or I would push her out the door.
So do I kick her out and end the R? Stop her going to College and more than likely ruin our R and then into his arms. Or trust her a little and monitor things.
I agree in the resetting of her clock. I also agree with your direction of thought if I extrapolate a little - you are leading towards the thought that a little contact with the OM will grow again and resart the R.
This could happen in any circumstance.
At present she has given me no opportunity to doubt her. I can account for her time (well as much as I can without having her followed). Yes her phone is on silent - in case he texted. She has removed ALL reminders of him as it caused us both pain. If her phone rings I have doubts..... so if I dont know it is ringing....
But it would be very easy for her to go and get another mobile and use that for her contact - how would I know?
Am I wrong in seeking a direction for our R that allows the least chance of failure and the best chance of saving my M?
Again, If she wanted to continue the R with the OM and then cake eat with me - she would do so. The only way I could stop this is to remove me from her equation. But this would ensure the death of our R.
I am scared that she will return to the OM. I am concerned that she will allow him to intergrate into her life again.
But what do I do, keep her under lock and key?
The R is in her hands.
My life is in my hands and I can only control my life not hers.
If she choses the OM, I will not stay around - I have already told her that I will not share her.
Regards, Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
