For a long time I defined success by having my family "whole". I so wanted to be one of the success stories here on the board.
In having this mindset, it stopped me from finding out who I really was as a person, as a woman, as a mother.
My life was put on hold while my Husband had his MLC because I allowed myself to make him the focus of my life. I lived in fear and anxiety because I was so afraid that if I made the wrong move or said the wrong thing I would prevent him from coming home.
He lived 3000 miles away from me and hardly ever called, visited us 3 times in 2 1/2 years and was the epitomy of MLC. A true Arse in every way.
Finally I got it.....it was like waking up and realizing that I was free to live my life and do things for myself. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and was starting to live again.
I even got so bold as to ask my Husband to go ahead and file for a divorce as I was strong enough to handle it now. I didn't want to be divorced, I still wanted my family whole, but I also saw that the worst had already happened. He left me.
My Husband did come home. We reconcilled and have had our share of the ups and downs of piecing.
In hindsight I really would have been OK. The person I became didn't "need" her husband to complete her. I would have been sad to lose him completely but I wasn't living in fear of the unknown anymore.
I have met many people from this board and from my "real" life who are amazingly happy and successful and divorced. I don't consider any of these people failures in any way.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
