Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

gotcha Cbug!

Ok I have returned...we ended up playing Rock Band, drinking beer and having fun of course! I did ask my friend and her H their opinion on why WH hasn't divorced me yet. Her H thinks he will because how could he come back after this mess he's made... and my girlfriend said she used to think he was going to but now she isn't sure....she thought maybe he is waiting until I go back to work for some reason. Or maybe he won't D me and we will R.

I asked them how they would handle it if we R. They said they love me, so they would accept him, but would probably secretly hate him for awhile (lol). So I asked them to think of this year of separation as WH flew over the cuckoo's nest/had an early MC/ etc. I asked if that would change their perspective a little... and they seemed to accept that idea. BTW we only talked about my sitch for maybe a total of 20 minutes! I don't dwell on it too much w/ my friends and family!

So this a.m. my friend made cottage cheese pancakes topped with fresh berries and whipped cream, and thick bacon on the side. It was GORGEOUS out so she and I went for an hour long walk up hills and through fields...it was a great work out!

I did not receive a text from WH updating me on S' night...he has done that the last 3-4 times and I have replied with one word comments but last week I did not reply at all!

So I was kind of hoping when I returned this afternoon, they would already be here, seeing me arrive, you know? But no.I showered and just put on some comfy clothes but did not have hair or make up done. When they did walk in the door, I was so happy to see S (of course) and WH just hung out for about 10 minutes or so, and we talked 99% about S. I guess he slept upright on WH last night because of his latest cold. He reminded me to schedule S' 9 month dr appt. I was thinking he might bring up daycare places because a couple months ago he said we need to look at more when S is 9 months. But he didn't. He just sat there on the couch and we sat in silence for a minute watching S play. I HATE "pregnant pauses" usually but am trying to let them occur if you KWIM.

I reminded him that I would be going out on Monday night and he said yep, and Thurs too, right? Then he said he would be bringing more vick's strips,the appliance bulbs and would set up the humidifier for tonight. And he left.

BUT something kinda sad happened- S was smiling big at him and giggling while we were both in the living room. Well, I was holding him when WH left and he smiled big at him. Then, when WH left and turned the corner, S kept looking for him, thinking he would be right back. So it made me cry pretty hard because S wants to see his daddy and he is not available. S never cried, but he clearly does enjoy his daddy.

Well must focus on the present!!!