The OM.... She can not avoid having contact with him as they are on the same course at college. This is hard for me, but I have to accept it. If my W was to quit College, she would slowly go mad at home and make things worse.
He was still texting her a lot. but not now I believe. Her phone is still on silent.
She told me she has not called him since she returned and has never replyied to a text. I have chosen to belive her.
. . .
I then returned to Sandi2's first post and just read on from there. Sandi2 refers to a 'grieving period' She is correct in my opinion and I feel my W is going through this at the moment.
Gyn,
I only have a moment, so I'll get right to the point:
Yes, there is a grieving -- a "withdrawal" -- period that wayward spouses go thru when they end their affairs. "Hard withdrawal" usually lasts 2-3 weeks, and complete withdrawal can take from 6-18 months.
But here's the thing: EVERY TIME there is new contact (a text message read, but not replied to), then physiologically, those "love chemicals" in her brain are stimulated again, and the withdrawal "clock" in her head gets set back to 0:00 again.
You must separate the addict from the source of their addiction -- in this case, OM. Even if your wife doesn't respond to those text messages (and we don't know that that's even true), just RECEIVING them stimulates her, and then READING them (assuming she does) stimulates her more, and -- I'm sorry to say this -- her "grieving period" (withdrawal) STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN.
Finally, you say "I chose to believe her." Why? What has your wife done to EARN your trust?
Without 100% no-contact, and complete transparency with you, you're going to keep subjecting yourself (and, really, your wife) to "fits and starts," and it's going to be horrible for both of you.
