Actions will generally speak louder than words. A MLC'er's ACTIONS are generally confused, not just their minds.
Anyone who is confused can act this same way, but it is short lived on a normal person. It is lengthy while in the tunnel of MLC.
This what I think from all I've read/experienced; Anyone else with anything say, jump right in.
The confusion clearly shows on a MLC'er; through "MLC speak" and odd actions; where it is mostly hidden on a WAS, if it even exists. It shows on a WAS most of the time when he/she is in an affair, and that affair comes to the surface, resulting them getting caught, or getting caught at anything they're not supposed to be doing. But the confusion in a WAS is short lived, and their true intentions do come through, causing a great deal of hurt, and most of the time they get dumped; OR if the wronged spouse takes them back and the issues behind this character flaw are not addressed, the behavior repeats itself.
Whereas:
A MLC'er is constantly confused from the word go, until their minds start to clear if they ever do. Assuming they come on through and change..none of the behaviors is ever repeated. In an ideal situation, they learn, most of all to love in a way that NONE of them have even learned in their lives, making a true connection for the first time in their lives.
A WAS also exhibits a character fault, a flaw, if you will, where their morals are compromised, that has always have been within them, raising red flags that their spouses didn't see/heed. Past history also contained red flags, but is ignored, and most of the time, a pattern of bad behavior has been established; in the evidence of multiple marriages, that were torn apart because of the WAS' infidelities. Unfortunately, there are some very mean people in this world who are sneaky, selfish, and out for themselves.
A MLC'er didn't just decide one day to go out and do what they are doing to hurt anyone; these are/were generally stable spouses who always took responsibility. I realize that some of these MLC'ers also may have had multiple marriages, but the red flags that would attribute to WAS may very well be missing; the MLC'er may have been on the receiving end of the hurt, instead of hurting his/her former spouses.
It is extremely hard to tell the difference; you have to know the spouse very well, or think you do.
My husband had always been a stable man, taking responsbility..when he went into the tunnel; a sneaking, selfish man lurked there for the longest.
He said things that did NOT make any sense to me, but I remembered what he had been as I learned about MLC, and so chose to wait.
None of the behaviors he exhibited within the tunnel has been repeated, not even the MLC affair.
I knew him as he had been, and once I started forward, I figured he would have to come back to what he was..a chance I took in waiting. What I did get was a different man, tender, loving, yet some things don't change; but many things do and did.
But, during his time in the tunnel, other signs were seen that pointed toward Menopause and Mid life changes; signs that would NOT be seen within a true WAS. Physical changes that indicated something was changing within him.
Knowledge is truly power, and you must learn to discern the differences between. That's NOT easy to do.
I do not know if this will help; this is deep waters, indeed.
I've known MLC'ers besides my husband, and I've known, but not dealt with WAS directly; done alot of listening to their wives/LBS'....the behavior is similar but not exactly the same. The level of confusion factor between the two seems to be the the one sign that makes the difference between them.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
