Quick update: things are going well. Received the child support/alimony check last night, so I can pay my bills today. Whew! Took the kids to D10's school carnival last night. Saw some friends there-we spent hours! Took D10 to breakfast today and went shopping at the local goodwill-type store. Got some books for the family and a cute dress, shirt, and hat for D10 for a couple of bucks!!! Dropped off the kids at noon and they were fast enough X couldn't come over and hold my door open. Going to catch up on my housework and sleep this weekend. I enjoy being with my family, but I've learned to enjoy being by myself and getting to be single too...
I'm just really happy with my new peaceful, busy life...
I enjoy being with my family, but I've learned to enjoy being by myself and getting to be single too...
I'm just really happy with my new peaceful, busy life...
I think that is such a big step....enjoying being alone! It took me a while to adjust, but then I started to use that time for ME, and realized how I had neglected myself for so long. It is funny, but since my D22 has moved back in with me full time and never spends the night at X's anymore, I almost miss my alone time! LOL But I know she is going to go back to school soon, so I am enjoying the nights we have together without the younger kids.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I agree. Learning to appreciate being alone and learning who you are while being alone is critical to being someone worthwhile in a R. I've know many people, mostly women, who have spent so much of their adult lives never allowing themselves to be alone -- they had to always have some intimate R with someone or else they couldn't feel content. As a result they suffered great anxiety when dealing with their own issues by themselves, and not having someone else to distract them.
My mother was once that way. But then she sort of has the excuse she was one of 11 children growing up, and thus being alone was truly a foreign concept to her for much of her entire life. It is only now that she has come to appreciate it -- and I see the peace she now has is more profound than at any time I've ever known her.
You have to be at peace with yourself before anyone else ever will.
I struggle with that. I am at peace with myself. I'm pretty happy with how I've turned out, the general direction my life is going and what happened to the M. I realize this was probably inevitable, my W has such self esteem and depression issues that in the end overwhelmed our R.
BUT I still don't like to be alone for long stretches. I remember the alone times I did get during the M were gold. But now when I don't have the kids and I haven't found a way to fill my day, I do not like to be by myself. I like to talk, joke, have someone to hold.
I don't know what that says about me.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
OK, my L emails me today with a copy of the final order. (My brother paid for her fees on the 26th it turns out). She already filed it today (it was due today) without my looking at it first. It looks good, basically a review of everything you guys know, but it looks like she left out the issue that my son isn't going to graduate high school until 19.5 and H has said he won't pay child support after 18 and S16 will have to move in with him full-time his junior and senior years. I don't believe for a second S will want to do that. And she didn't address his wages being garnished!!!! I emailed her about these; maybe she can do an amended order or something...Well, at least another step closer I guess.
No, that wasn't a clause in the order. X just told me maybe a month or 2 ago that when S was 18, he wouldn't pay child support and the only way would help S is to have him move in full-time. No way would I ever agree to that! I told my L, and emailed her about that, and she didn't address that at all in the order, no mention of it. That was one of the main points important to me, that and the garnishment.
In my state the child has to be 18 and graduated from high school for support to stop. Check the laws in your state. Actually, your attorney should know the law!!! Do not sign anything you do not agree with!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Sorry, Karen, that I took that out of context, overreacted. I thought you were talking about the order and what your (now) xH had wanted put into it, but your L had failed to reject. That would have been awful.
Got an email from my L today. She said there IS an electronic deduction or something like that mentioned in one of the pages (it's like 20 pages so must have missed it). I need to reread it again this weekend when I have more time/not so tired.
She said the child support at 18 would get addressed then if Mike files a motion to end child support. On your suggestion, Kat I googled child support in Florida and it said if child is in high school it continues until child is 19 or graduates whichever comes later. So should be ok anyway; he would have nothing to file then.
Had an interesting talk today at lunch with a co-worker. He's a psychologist. He thinks X's constant anger (for the past 3 years!) he explained it something like what he is/has been doing in hurting others (his family) he can't just think this is something I want and chose, so he maintains constant anger against me to kind of self-justify his actions. If he didn't have the anger, he wouldn't be able to keep acting the way he is. Thought that was interesting and helps me to reduce my anger and try to be more forgiving; not saying I'm going to let my boundaries down or anything, just that explains the kind of crazy behavior from X.
So now just another month or so until the judge's order comes in; I guess it could be anytime this month or even the early part of next. My L said one of her cases he took 2 months, but hopefully our case is not that complex!!!
Took kind of a final exam today after finished training, and I did well. It had 60+ questions and I got only 3 wrong which was good. Whew! I learned more than I thought I did. Now I just have to figure out this job in the next 10 months or so.
Dropped off the kids at noon and they were fast enough X couldn't come over and hold my door open. Going to catch up on my housework and sleep this weekend. I enjoy being with my family, but I've learned to enjoy being by myself and getting to be single too...