Sweetie, you're spinning. You keep "telling" her things. That doesn't help. I know you know that.
I know yu think you're an open book, but I think a simple question the next time she hits you with the "share" topic might be helpful for you. "When you say I didn't share, what do you mean? What didn't I share that was important to you?" Then, listen. Don't say a word. Make a mental note and DO NOT immediately start trying to fix it. At some point in the future you will find a way to "show" her this skill.
By all menas DO NOT tell her you've stopped fixing things. When the opportunity arises, just listen and don't do anything except commisurate (no, don't even offer suggestions for her to fix it) "Wow, I'm really sorry this happened to you", "that really sux".
Btw, you haven't let go. You may not ask what she's doing and who with, but it still occupies your mind. You're question about the "last ditch effort" makes that apparent.
I don't know of a "last ditch effort" that wouldn't come off as contrived and manipulative. Don't bet with something you can't afford to live without.
I know the panic and attachment, we all do. That feeling like if I don't do something now , it's over this is it and it's my fault.
I wish I knew how to tell you to detach. I wish I could offer you some peace. I don't know how to do that. If you can, take a long walk or try meditating. Whatever works for you to clear your mind.
