I have to agree with OP that your expectations are too high.
Perhaphs he said "I love you" on the phone b/c he has his own anxiety. A comment like "No, I'm not shocked. Thank you, that means so very much to me" might have given a good message.
I know that you want understanding on his side. If that's what I'm looking for, I tend to double my efforts at being understanding or asking for clarification ie: "maybe I don't understand what it's like for you, would you share that with me?"
I know you've been at this a long time. I know how it is to feel like they have to "show" their intent. I may be way off base. Just a different perspective.
