Invinceable

[MichelleLT]

It is hard to do on your own. But not impossible.

I do the things I love. Things that make me feel relaxed and pretty.

Last night I went line dancing. It cost me $5.

Other nights I lose myself in a book, take a hot bath, do my nails. Curl up in bed with hot cocoa and listen to the rain with a book or my laptop and a movie.

Sometimes it's about doing what you want, when you want.

Do you recharge off alone time? Or being around positive group energy?

[kat727]

I do get quite a bit of support from my kids and my parents. so even though I do get tired, I do get some support. My parents do try to take at least 2 kids every other weekend to give me a break but also because they just adore the kids. However I do still have 2. I have only been alone maybe 3 days in the past three years just due to timing.

I have become more comfortable as just me. I know I can't do all the stuff that I want to do until the kids are older but I do try to shake things up now and again. We take mini-adventures.

As for another adult, well that is still a work in progress. It has been fun connecting lately with my old boyfriend. I think going out with your friends helps too. Go see a comedy, have a pot luck dinner with several friends, start a book club(we go through the library for the majority of our books). The more interaction the higher your odds of making that connection.

K has been doing a lot to get me feeling good about talking with him again so it wasn't just me looking for something. Hard to believe it has only been since we actually spoke on the phone have things sped up.

I guess I stopped looking at the same door and took a look around me.

kat

[karen43]

I think everybody has their own stuff they do. I get with friends, have a cup of coffee and sit down for 20 minutes (not as much as I'd like to), read a little, church, theatre, exercise (I want to get a Wii fit too); whatever you personally find to reenergize yourself. This morning D10 and I went to McDonalds for breakfast and then went to the local goodwill-type store (they help homeless & rehab people with their profits) and found a bunch of books for the family and a cute dress and hat for D10 and a cute pink western shirt (adorable) for D10. All of that for a couple bucks!!!

Also, I'm halfway through a book that might be good for you to, it's "Too Nice for your own good" by Duke Robinson, and that's been a good read for me. I'm trying to work on those kind of issues. If you're feeling stressed or angry about something someone's doing, you need to put up boundaries and maintain them. You have to protect yourself just like you do your son. You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of others. It's not selfish at all; something you just have to do.

[mishka422]

Thanks guys. Good ideas all!

I can't have quiet alone time at home unless I shut myself in my bedroom and even then I have mom calling for me to come do something or Marc constantly knocking on my door wanting to show me something or ask me something. It's very hard to just get space.

I do find that I recharge better off group energy or just one on one energy. I was so glad yesterday that my friend called and asked if I wanted to go out for a late lunch/early dinner. That was nice and we had a great time talking, laughing, window shopping and sipping coffee at the bookstore.

As I've said before, I have so much inner turmoil that I know I'm not fit company for a lot of people, let alone any man. Knowing that doesn't stop my foolish heart from dreaming and wishing though. It's a part of my sappy romantic nature that I really wish I could just cut out because it does more and more damage every day. I hope and pray every day to lose that part and never locate it again but so far it hasn't worked. Ugh.

You all know that Gabe left me with every joint debt we created together, a house I can't really afford the rent on but can't move from because of mom and Marc's school, and he doesn't pay even a third of the CS he's supposed to. He has been consistently giving me $50 a week for the last 5 months or so well last week the amount was suddenly $42. What a strange amount! I asked him what that was about and he said he only got 12 hours and that was all he could afford. So, this week, what did he deposit? ZERO. Did he tell me he wasn't putting anything in? NOPE. No warning at all. I count on that little amount to pay Marc's school lunch and to put toward Marc's karate. Marc just came in the kitchen a few minutes ago to tell me that Gabe was going to come over and take him to 'hang out' with him for a while (uh huh..had he made arrangements with me to do that? Again - NO) but he's sick. Whatever. I couldn't hold back anymore about the money issue so I texted him:


M-I hear you're sick. Have to ask though, were you planning on depositing anything this week? I needed to know ahead of time. I pay his lunch from it.

G-Sorry I didn't call but I don't have money. I've been looking for another job since I didn't get any hours this week.

M-You need to let me know beforehand from now on ok? It's the very least you can do considering.

G-I will. sorry I suck.

I didn't reply to that last one. I wanted to so badly. There were so many other things I wanted to say to just blast his sorry butt but there really is no point. He really has no clue what I could potentially do to him legally. I could bury him for years in garnishments and paperwork. Of course, that's not really going to solve any of my issues and most likely just add to them so I won't do it.

I wanted to say, "Yeah, you do suck. You ran off to your life of ZERO responsibility and still manage to slither away thinking that I'm always going to just suck it up. Guess again. I'm finding my backbone and I'm not going to stand for it anymore!"

Now, half of that is total hogwash (really I have no backbone whatsoever, but he isn't around me anymore to know that), but it still would feel good to me to say it.

Again though, no point.

GGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ClingingToHope]

That sucks. In Illinois, child support is automatically taken from paychecks -- so I've been told -- so you never see it.

[mishka422]

I can have it garnished if I want, but it's a TON of paperwork and I may actually get less than he gives me because it's a percentage of his income. Considering he hardly has any income that could bite me in the butt.

I don't know if you know the background there CTH, but my xh was a police officer and lost his career because of a series of bad decisions directly having to do with OW and his total attention on what was in his pants instead of his job. He has been through a series of low pay part time jobs ever since (18 months and counting). His life completely imploded and he was blaming me for it for a while but has apparently come to the realization that he did it all to himself.

[BobbiJo]

Sorry I suck? He and dan must have fallen from the same "Victim Tree"...the self pity things is so annoying...

Pretty sure most restaurants always need busboys dishwashers and waiters. Sure it may be 'beneath' him but it is money....so he needs to suck up and get to work!

Sorry Mish...

[mishka422]

LOL!!! I just posted something nearly identical to that on your thread BBJ. They are twins in so many ways!! GAG.

He claims to have applied 'for everything'. I have quit chasing him about it. Not my problem. Let the broom nag him to death about it. She has to live with him mooching off of her. She works 2 jobs and he sits on his fat a$$. Stupid b!tch.

I've been thinking about it. He gets one more month and then I'm filing with the state enforcement agency. I really have no way of knowing what he is actually making or what percentage he is actually giving me for Marc.

[mishka422]

Waffling again about going to the enforcement agency. I really don't want to shoot myself in the foot. Oh heck.....

I put the rubber band back on my wrist this morning trying to 'snap' myself out of the bad thoughts as they come. The amount of time I spend talking down to myself could be much better used doing something else!

[kat727]

Don't hurt yourself!!

I am learning how to knit. I will have arrived when I can knit socks. So far a good distraction.

kat