Holy Crap! Didn't expect THIS!

[Dom R]

heya... first, a cautionary note; i may sound like i'mm suggesting you act like attila the hun, all bitchy and yelling. I'm not.
What i'm thinking might work for you, would be "caring, soft-spoken, but firm".
(you know... like a parent calmly telling a child, Yes, you ARE going to do your homework and that's that :-/ )
(if thats what works with him. contrariwise, if what's been working with him lately has been Attila... then Hun Up )

anyways, to your question...

Thanks for checking in! I feel daft-- I mean, I get it in theory, but not in practice. Like say "Dude, it's been a week now, we need to make decisions..now!" He asked for me to give him some time and not pressure him since he already feels overwhelmed by everything....

What sort of stepping up to do you mean?

What would that look like??

well, lets review "where you two are right now":

I’m really ticked right now because if we were a married couple (in the traditional sense) I would say that *we* would get thru it and that if Son needed to move back in, that’s what would happen, and I would make sure you to the docs to make sure you get properly diagnosed. But I don’t know how to say that, given the situation.”

He said “Well, actually, I was thinking this is the catalyst, the lightening strike, or whatever from the Universe. I have NEVER been able to get away from you no matter how hard I try. It’s like we’re just meant to be and I’ve been fighting it. I’m stuck with you for the rest of my life- and I am lucky to have you.”

Point #1: his son needs him

Point #2: he has been an idiot for the last 2 years. said it himself.

Point #3: these dumb-ass "baby steps" do not work for you two. Introduce/remind him of the "do what works; stop doing what doesnt work" principle.

What works: you two being together. HE ENJOYES it.
The only thing getting in the way, is his "grass is greener on the other side" attitudes. His unwillingness to commit to choosing you and only you.
There is NO WAY TO BABY STEP INTO THAT. He already KNOWS he cares about you, already KNOWS you get along well... there is NOTHING LEFT TO DO, EXCEPT COMMIT. To being with you. To acting like a properly married man. To growing up.


PS: to his "no pressure now, I'm feeling overwhelmed with everything" excuse:
with someone else, I might think, "okay, sure, that sounds reasonable".
But with HIM, I'd say the translation of that is, "I feel so guilty now, if you push me now, I might actually do the right thing! So please leave me alone, so I can do my usual thing of ignoring these feelings. Once I get over them, we can get back to doing what we usually do."

I could be wrong there, but...

To put it another way... when has it ever WORKED, for you to back off when he has felt like this?

PPS: if you're looking for wording suggestions, heck, go with what your gut told you in the first place:
"Dude, its been a week, we need to make some decisions now"