DU - Take cat's very wise words to heart and to head.
I truly understand the pain you are in. You wonder how they can just switch off the feelings you thought they had for you. By staying as dark as possible it gives your H a chance to miss you and see what life would be like for him without you in it.
I know it feels like your H is calling all the shots and there is nothing you can do about it, but there is... Take your power back, use this time to look in the mirror. Recognize your part in why your M is where it is. Work on the things you realize as your shortcomings, we all have them. You get this time to do this for you. At some point you may even come to think of this as a gift to yourself, maybe it isn't something that is being done to you, but for you. If you let it be this can be for you. The changes, the 180's have to be for you, not for the hopes of getting your H back. They help in two ways. Either it paves the way for your H to return to build a brand new M from the ashes or it gives you the knowledge and confidence to go on with a life of your choosing without your H. So, you see by doing these things it is all about you regardless of how your story turns out.
Should I stay dark or call back? I just don't want to subject myself to his antics
DU post at 7:17PM 2/26/10
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Even though it has only been a few days, I don't feel panic'd to call him back. It appears that I may be beginning to detach.. smile
12 hours later
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I am an absolute mess right now. I am having an anxiety attack.
What changed?
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So, I decided to call my H this morning
Then you ask.
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Any thoughts on how to handle to H today?
Well if you want to have an anxiety attack meet with him do whatever he asks. If you would like to have a nice weekend go out GAL and don't worry about his requests. Tell him something more important came up. Send him an e-mail you have an emergency. The go take care of yourself. HAVE A GOOD TIME.
Now which should you pick. Good time or misery. You answer only you can decide.
Cat has given you million dollar advice. What did your IC say?
I choose to work late and get it done so I can GAL tomorrow. In my IC session, my C mentioned the same things that Cat, SA, and you OP just advised me of. Yes, my moods have been dictated by my H. I was doing okay for the last 3 days until early this morning.
Need to learn to just get out of bed on weekends and get up and running to keep myself busy. Need to reach out to more friends make plans with them on the weekends. I am running and I am in my first race in 2 weeks.
If my H is there at the house, then he can do what he likes. Can't say I won't think of him, but at this point, I am tired of having my feeling hurt. Being in the dark is good; I just need to learn how to deal with when HE calls.
Thank you all and I hope I have not disappointed any of you.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
I got home from work tonight (6:30) to find my H still here. I thought he was gone because I called and no one answered (thought it was safe). When I saw his car, I came in through the garage and went upstairs and closed the door to my bedroom. My H then comes in and asks what I was doing. I said hello and that I had still more work to do.
I believed he felt ignored because when I got out my laptop and a folder I brought home from work, he said, I thought we could talk.
I didn't want to get into the R talk and so I told him that I didn't think that would be good and told him I really need to get back to work. He went back to taxes downstairs.
Well he just left but not before telling me that he wanted to talk but it was apparent that I didn't care he was there and that it appeared that I didn't want to talk with him and said "this is a catch 22 situation".
So he said he was leaving, said he needed to get to bed (has reserve duty tomorrow). But he did say that we really needed to talk about our situation before he is deployed because according to him, "WE need to decide what WE'RE going to do...Right?" I said nothing and he asked again.. "Right?" I said I have really nothing to say.
Before he left, I asked if he received my message from the call I made this morning (only because he hadn't mentioned it). The message was about cancelling his mobilization (this was the earlier panic'd posting by me...I know crazy!!). He seemed really depressed when he heard about the cancellation. I said goodnight, and he left.
Strange. I am trying not to read into this...really and it is hard for me not to. Not sure what this all means. Maybe nothing. Okay, back to GAL'ing. I am reading the Lost Symbol.
DU
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
You will enjoy reading the Lost Symbol. He did a good job using the city for the setting.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I sure hope so Snodderly. I started reading it last month, it was initially a slow read, but the plot is beginning to pick up. Good read while in the bath or right before bed.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
But he did say that we really needed to talk about our situation before he is deployed because according to him, "WE need to decide what WE'RE going to do...Right?" I said nothing and he asked again.. "Right?"
I felt more in control but I also began to feel guilty that he wanted to talk and that I was the distant one...
I really needed to REMOVE myself from the situation and I feel pretty good that I was able to do so without falling apart.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
