Came in to the office to get some work done. I don't like working on weekends, especially since that takes me away from the kids, but I have no choice right now - too much work to do, which is a good thing.
Went to breakfast on the way in to the office. And, I found my thoughts straying into an area I don't like, and have pulled back from. I found myself asking myself "Was I That bad a H that my W could not be happy? Was I REALLY that bad?"
I know it's not my job to make her happy AND I know I wasn't that bad. In fact, despite my faults, I was a VERY GOOD H. Not PERFECT, but a VERY GOOD one.
I told my W how I felt about her, how beautiful she was, how lucky I was to be M'd to her. In retrospect, not sure these meant anything to her, and, in fact, may have shown her weakness in me that she came to despise. But, it was how I felt. And I thought this was the one person on the Earth to whom I could tell all my thoughts, fears, dreams, successes and failures. If she can find another man willing to be what I was for her, then my hat's off to her. She won't.
Just rambling a bit. I know this D has a LOT less to do with me than I first thought. I have addressed the things I needed to in me FOR me. And if that's not enough, SHE doesn't deserve me.
