How (and who) to expose if OP is not married

[4luv]

LOL...you guys are funny with the movies...lol. Sad to admit that I've never seen any of the mentioned movies..lol.

I haven't updated but have been following mb28's thread and all the great advice there. Some of the things that stood out are:

(1) NO CONTACT gives both spouses a taste of divorce.
(2) Everytime I contact husband or accept contact from husband I am ruining chances to save my marriage.

I know no one has a crystal ball but I am wondering if my stitch has been going on too long and if husband is seriously done with the marriage. Husband has been saying he feels trapped, doesn't want to be married since Jan. 2009 and that is also when I first saw text messages between him and OW. Thought he had stopped (or I just didn't snoop anymore) but then saw other signs of ongoing affair late summer 2009. So now I am asking myself did I put up with things too long? Have I already made too many mistakes to save my marriage? I should have moved out a long time ago, etc.

One question is do you all recommend sending an email stating what "whatnow" wrote on mb28's thread:

"Have you told him how painful contact is while he is seeing someone else? Have you asked him not to contact you? Have you put it in writing so he can refer back to it? Make it very clear you want your marriage but that there isn't a marriage with the way things are now."

I was thinking of sending an email and then going no contact. Or should I just go no contact without any type of call, letter, or email?

My MIL bday party is today and after reading mb28's thread about the protection phase I am now starting to think that i shouldn't go. Husband called yesterday to ask me about bringing some things from apartment that i left and then mentioned that he wanted to ML when he sees me. I had no response and told him I had to go. Then he says so does that mean no. Still no answer because I didn't know what to say. Part of me wanted to say ok but I know now that it is not ok.

BTW, Allen
OW probably does not know that he goes to me for support. OW and stepson also live out of town (apprx. 8 or 9 hours away from husband and 15 hours from where I am). Therefore, husband really has a bachelor life set up right now...both kids hours away with their mother.