I was wondering about the guilt that the MLC feels. Do they ever come to terms with it in the later stages?
First all, BrandNewDay is correct in all she's telling you. And she's right, I do not have a crystal ball.
There are some things I can see, and I have been given insight to help people with their situations. But even I cannot predict what a MLC'er will do or not do in a given situation.
MLC is entirely TOO unpredictable.
In theory, the MLC'er is SUPPOSED to be able to come to terms with their guilt as they face their issues in later stages. But, again, that is up to the MLC'er in question, and it varies. Some move through more quickly than others..it also depends on how much pain they have faced in their life as a whole..and this means childhood on through adulthood.
You would be surprised at the fears that come about within yourself based on things they said pre-MLC, and what you see them act out during that time....my husband said years ago that if anything ever happened to me and him, he would just walk away and never come back...and he almost did just that. I actually remembered that as he spoke later of thinking about just walking away three different times, but the third time he had to look ahead and see what life would be like without me, and he couldn't face that, so he wanted to be married if I would still have him. Some things were NEVER spoken of, and I have accepted that, though, when the much lied about OW was brought up later, I wasn't the one who raised the issue, HE did. Remember this was in the MUCH later stages after he was coming back together, and the guilt was there..but he seemed for a last time to want to convince me that I didn't hear/see what I KNOW I heard/saw. I'd started to argue, then realized I was falling into a trap, and snapped my mouth shut and just looked at him after telling him to tell the truth or shut up and take it to his grave, it didn't matter to me; as it was forgiven long ago.
That would have been a prime time to get it all out, but he didn't. And he hasn't to this day. I'm not that worried about that, anyway...I've never had to sleep with guilt as a bed fellow. I like my conscience clear.
Someone told me later on, that he was still suffering from guilt compounded by the fear that even after all this time, that I would "get him back". I don't even have that on the brain. I healed from the MLC affair and the events of his MLC long ago, forgiving him in the process totally and completely. There are no triggers, no flashbacks, nothing for me. It was quite awhile before I reached that point in my life.
I HAD to back away from his drama, learning to detach and distance myself from what was going on. I couldn't keep getting sucked in..it was killing me, emotionally.
I HAD to concentrate on my own journey; and the funny was when I let completely go, he came forward, the pressure was off, and eventually, he was walking on my heels; as I'd almost forgotten about him being there.
Anyhow;
It looks to me like your husband's dad's infidelities damaged your husband more severely than you know; and they left many unhealed wounds within your husband.
It is unknown what your husband will do at this time; the guilt within him is raging, but there is nothing you can do to help him; except to listen when he spews, taking nothing personal. Detach and distance from his drama, working on yourself, learning what YOU have to learn about yourself, and leave him be for now. When/if he needs you, he will come to you.
And not until.
It's something you don't need on your plate right now..he is going his own way for now..and you're not a part of that at the moment.
They all work through on their own, and at their own speed.
And I seriously doubt your husband remembers what he said so long ago...my husband did NOT remember; I tested that theory on him at one point as I remembered that when I thought he was going to walk out on me..and got a look that would have stabbed me if it'd been a knife..then he flat denied saying it.
The point is, they're doing good if they remember what they ate yesterday, much less something they said years ago.
Their brain waves are working on a different pattern during MLC; and they are living in a time before you ever came into the picture..that is why you get looks sometimes that indicate they don't know you or sometimes have trouble with your name, and why you're there. They just know you are, and they don't want you "in their way" and view you as the "enemy"..and the more you argue, the harder they run away, and further into the tunnel they run.
What I'm trying to tell you is this man is NOT the man you married..he is a stranger that has been abducted by the MLC alien ship..when he will come back, I do not know..on top of that, if he DOES come back, he will not be exactly the man you knew; there WILL be changes within him. The changes you make will be your own, as his will be his own. Do not interfere with his journey, and don't worry about him; he is taken care of; be more concerned with YOU.
Let go, let God do His work within your husband...learn to detach and distance, working on yourself, learning what you have to learn, pray and pray some more.
It's a long haul, and your strength is needed for YOU right now.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
