I told H I needed money and he pretty much said he can't get any....I never responded to him....I was so mad....he has no worries, no responsibilities, NOTHING!! Just having fun with OW...
Bullcrap on him saying he can't get any money..OW is cleaning his pockets out and that is ALL she is after. I can guarantee you he's feeling his share of guilt; you just don't see it because he's NOT showing that side to you..yet. I also guarantee you OW is getting the rough side of his tongue from time to time. But, since SHE'S crazy, too..she probably doesn't mind....yet.
I was trying to find a thread I'd written on "Neurotics attract Neurotics" that was an explanation for why MLC'ers hook up with OW/OMs...can't find it yet, but hoping I will.
I had backed up all the threads I'd written on a disk at home;(had no idea why I did it then, but I think I do now) I will find it when I get there; and whatever's missing, I will repost. I had not expected as many things that were preserved, and Smurf had done a great job of ressurecting the old threads..but I also understand that some things were probably lost in the process because of server space; and it WAS a long time ago.
I honestly think OW is controlling his money; and he's allowing her to, but not telling you that...you do know if/when the divorce goes to process, he will have to cough up money as from what I see you do have at least one child at home.
Well, you know OW is after the almighty dollar..and he thinks she luvs him..and yes, I did say "LUV" True LUV is nothing but an illusion, a band aid, a symptom, not a solution.
Rest assured this "luv" nest business can't last for long, before it goes to pieces eventually. At least I hope so, there is hope as long as you love him; when you stop loving him; all is lost, and NO, you could NOT be blamed. MLC devours marriages, relationships; and it is a hard thing to take when a MLC affair starts up, and is discovered.
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He says he needs to start spending time with his other son also...sure...all of a sudden after 10 years he wants to be involved...I think he is avoiding us and not spending time with our kids because he went 10 years without spending time with his other son...it's almost like he's punishing us for that..does that sound weird?
Kind of "normal" for MLC. After years of not wanting to spend time with our son, all of a sudden my husband decides it's time to forge a relationship with him...completely ignoring ME in the process...not the same thing, but similar.. I felt like you do for awhile; like I was being punished for something I did..but that wasn't true; it's the "opposite" business going on, as well as guilt coming into play for not doing right when the MLC'er was in his/her right mind.
It's really not so much that he's avoiding the current family; it's just that his mind is all over the map at this point in time...and he feels extreme guilt; trying to fix a mistake that he can NEVER fix..and their minds get to be on ONE track; instead of two. He also seems to be living in a time LONG before he met you...I'm not sure how old this other son is.
Don't give that one any head time, either...it's YOU and your growth you need to worry about....your WAS is firmly entrenched within the tunnel..acting out his various fantasies, trying to bring back a time that does not exist anymore.
And something you cannot do anything about until the fog begins to clear...if it ever does.
Continue to work on yourself, don't worry about him...don't file for a divorce if you don't want one, make sure you don't allow him to manipulate you into something you don't choose to do. Sometimes, when they are forced to do something they want the LBS to do; it will sometimes begin to wake them up..sometimes not..depends upon them.
But, like I said before, you do not want him to manipulate you into filing a divorce so he can blame you for it.
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he wants me to sit down at our dining room table and work it out between us because "we are not movie stars who have alot of money to throw away on divorce"...
Excuse me, but uh, there are CHILDREN still at home, and you are entitled to child support, and why should you make things easier on him? And who's throwing away what? Money? Heck, he's throwing away the BEST thing that ever happened to him, and he's worried about "throwing away money on divorce?" Is this so he can have more money to spend on OW? Shoot, I wouldn't want him to have ANY money to spend on OW. I KNOW you don't want that either. Yet, he doesn't realize that you could clean him totally out in a divorce suit, and make sure he doesn't have a pot to urinate in, by the time you get done with him if he pushes this through on his own.
Or maybe, in his nutty mind, he does, or he wouldn't be attempting to get you to do it 'his way.' He's up to something, I can tell you that.
He's definitely trying to take the "easy" way out to get out of as much responsibility as he can...and you realize what he's trying to do, and refusing to budge.
Make sure you're protected financially, Treese..and that he has as little access to funds as possible, especially since OW is involved. I'm fairly sure you're already doing that..but the thought crossed my mind.
You have a family to support...and he's nutty as a fruitcake.
Sometimes, in these types of tug of wars, they are made to do some thinking..and they NEED to think about what they are doing to their families.
These are consequences for his actions; and you're not wrong for standing your ground...you're standing for more than money; you're standing for your family, and ANGRY that he's abandoned it for that FLOOZY.
Sometimes that is a very lonely journey, but worth it. You're not alone, though, there are others going through this; and if you believe in God; He is also there, watching all that goes on.
I firmly believe the cheating/unrepentant MLC'er gets his/her own eventually. No sin goes unpunished; as the sinner reaps hard for a time/season. You may not see this "reaping" but you don't have to.
As God blesses those who make a stand, he punishes those who hurt others.
Vent all you want; it's fine; I do understand your pain, and know you're doing all you can do to stand.
And we're right there with you.
Take care of yourself, Treese.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
